tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86160306121511830382024-03-05T09:39:19.084-07:00My Breast ThoughtsBreastfeeding- the natural nourishment for a baby! This site is meant to be a place to empower, educate, and support those who breastfeed through the joys, emotions and obstacles they may face. Welcome and enjoy!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger90125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-26679392927346219152012-08-12T19:33:00.000-06:002012-08-12T19:33:50.420-06:00BUTYou know when you hear a statement such as "I really like you <b>BUT</b>...." or "Thank you for interviewing <b>BUT</b>..."? You know that people are just being polite and really, the part they mean is the second part. The "I just don't think this is working" or "we are looking for someone with more experience" part.<br /><br />So when I read this statement today on The Leaky Boob's facebook status "I support breastfeeding <b>BUT</b> it shouldn't be done in church" I knew the part that was really meant was the "It shouldn't be done in church".<br /><br />People often hide behind the first part of the statement. Sometimes to add credibility- such as "I really am not one of those people who thinks breastfeeding is gross" so that they don't get bombarded when they say the part that proves they really are that person.<br />
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Not just that, but statements like "Women should breastfeed <b>BUT</b> only in private, or when using a cover" or "Breastfeeding is normal <b>BUT</b> children should be weaned at 12 months or when they get teeth" undermine a mothers success. Basically you are telling her that there are restrictions on her parenting choices. You send the message that breastfeeding is wrong, perverted, or something to be ashamed of.<br /><br />I find it interesting, so many people are against removing formula samples from hospitals (which in the long run would save formula feeding moms money, but that is a post for another time) because it removes a mom's choice, yet they don't want to give the mom the choice to breastfeed when and where her baby needs it? SERIOUSLY?<br />
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I have heard way too many of these comments. Some from family (thankfully, not close family) and some from acquaintances, and others I have read on facebook. I have thought in my head a lot of comebacks. SO, I decided to come and be able to use some of those come backs.<br />
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<b>Statement:</b> I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding, <b>BUT</b> going past 12 months is wrong.<br /><b>What I normally respond:</b> The WHO states breastfeeding should continue to age 2 and BEYOND. The natural weaning age of a human baby is between 3-7 years old, etc.<br /><b>What I want to say:</b> Oh, yes, because being a huge supporter stops on an exact date, and you can tell how old a baby is by looking at them. Or is it because you prefer my child get hormone filled cow's milk to milk that is tailor made for him? <br /><br /><b>Statement:</b> I am a breastfeeding advocate, <b>BUT</b> you shouldn't do it at church, schools, anywhere you might be seen, etc<br /><b>What I normally respond:</b> Breastfeeding is protected by law in 48 states. You see less from a breastfeeding mother than you do a girl in a low cut shirt. <br /><b>What I want to say:</b> And I am an advocate for free speech, but honestly, you should have your tongue removed for spouting such nonsense.<br /><br /><b>Statement:</b> I 100% support breastfeeding in public <b>BUT</b> a mother should cover up<br /><b>What I normally respond: </b>While I personally choose to cover while nursing, I don't think it should be required. Also, see above response.<br /><b>What I want to say:</b> Thanks for your input. Oh, you are going out to eat tonight, would you like a blanket to put over your head (while I hand them a receiving blanket)<br /><br /><b>Statement:</b> I am all for breastfeeding, <b>BUT</b> we shouldn't talk about it.<br />
<b>What I normally respond:</b> Talking about it helps mothers know what they are going through while breastfeeding is normal, it helps teach women how amazing their bodies are, how to care for their children, and helps normalize breastfeeding.<br /><b>What I want to say:</b> And I am all for you having children, but can you stop posting about them on facebook and giving me updates every time I see them.<br /><br />All snarky comments aside, I don't think a true supporter can put restrictions on their support. <br />It may be something you don't choose to do, but you don't have to restrict others. I chose to use a cover while breastfeeding, but did I mind if another mother didn't- NO. I was happy they were breastfeeding, and a little envious that their child was not distracted from eating like mine would have been. <br /><br />The problem with the <b>BUT</b> statement, is you are basically trying to cover your own <b>BUTT</b> from looking like a cruel person, while telling someone else some bad news or how what they are doing is wrong. Do you think that the boss at that job was really thankful/happy the completely unqualified applicant got an interview and showed up? Most likely not, they were just trying to "be polite". How many times does someone "really like someone" and then break up with them. Not very often (I know, sometimes, but not often).<br />So how often are these statements really from someone who truly supports breastfeeding? My guess: Not very often.<br /><br />I am okay with the fact that you put restrictions on breastfeeding <b>BUT</b> I really don't believe you're a supporter. ;PBeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-45494937531143071932012-05-11T13:42:00.005-06:002012-05-11T15:42:00.653-06:00The Controversy of TIMEThere has been quite the stir over the last two days over this week's cover of TIME magazine (pictured below). It has caused some pretty heated debates on forums and facebook pages. I was basically avoiding the topic, other than a small post on the My Breast Thoughts facebook page (<a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Breast-Thoughts-Blog/167635503263202" target="_blank">which you can view here</a>) because of the fact that I did not agree with the headline "Are you mom enough" nor did I agree with the description that leads to believe women who do practice AP parenting or extended breastfeeding are extreme.<br />
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Mommy groups I am a part of all agreed, this cover was not "wrong" because of the image, but because of the slogan of being mom enough being linked to length of breastfeeding or parenting choices. The slogan we are ALL mom enough was born on The Plus Size Mommy Memoirs forum on facebook (you can check out the main PSMM facebook page <a href="https://www.facebook.com/plussizemommymemoirs" target="_blank">here</a>). In fact the general tone was great for this mom for extended breastfeeding if that is what her and her child want and need, but let's not fuel the mommy wars.<br />
Then today, a local radio station DJ posted it, and while I want to believe their concern was "<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">that images such as this
magazine cover are counter productive to all the work that's been done
to promote the positive benefits of breast feeding" their previous comment (which they have since deleted) of "this is another example of the abnormal being pushed as normal" leads me to believe that they were simply trying to cover themselves as to not get breastfeeding advocates up in arms. The general tone of the comments were things such as "This is child porn" "Once a child can ask for it they are too old" and the likes.</span><br />
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<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">For this reason, because of my huge disappointment in my home town/states views of breastfeeding beyond a year, I decided to address this topic. </span><br />
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<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">First, I find it sad that breastfeeding advocates are defending that breastfeeding is not required to be "mom enough" while others are going around saying that breastfeeding at an older age is "perverted" "wrong" "damaging" and so forth. Why do breastfeeding advocates have to tip toe around to not hurt others feelings, while others can openly put down the parenting choices of those advocates. People need to understand, those who advocate (in general) are not saying everyone needs to breastfeed until age 2, or even at all. They are mostly looking for the right to feed their child in a natural way, and get the same respect as those who are feeding their child with a bottle. After that, they are looking for there to be proper education and support for women deciding to breastfeed. They are looking to not be asked to leave stores or restaurants. They simply want to be able to feed their child just like any other mom, without being judged. They have deemed a war on the term "breast is best" and are out there assuring moms that they are mom enough, even if they never breastfed. Yet, society is out there telling them how what they are doing is wrong, even though it is what God, or nature, intended.</span><br />
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<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">Secondly, our country needs to learn to educate themselves before they put down another person's choice. Here is a great site with an article regarding the <a href="http://kellymom.com/ages/after12mo/ebf-myths/" target="_blank">myths of breastfeeding past 12 months</a>. Not only does the <a href="http://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/" target="_blank">World Health Organization recommend children be breastfed to age 2 and BEYOND</a>, but biologically humans are made to breastfeed that long. If we left it up to nature, and did not push solids so early, <a href="http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html" target="_blank">the natural weaning age</a> of human children would be between ages 3-7. In fact, in many countries, that is completely normal, even today. But, in the USA, we have somehow adopted the belief that breastfeeding is sexual and that a child knows this. Both of which are incorrect. Breastfeeding is not sexual, to the mom or child. A child doesn't turn a certain age, and suddenly realize breasts are also sexual. That is something that is taught to them as they get older. Also, the argument of a child being too old if they can ask for it is ridiculous. We push children to learn to ask for a "baba" or milk, but we don't want them to realize where to get their food and how to ask for it if they are nursing? That doesn't seem to make sense, but then again, neither does asking a breastfeeding mom to go to a bathroom while letting a bottle feeding mom sit at the table.</span><br />
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<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">Finally, regarding the caption. I do not believe moms who practice "attachment parenting" are extreme. They are parenting in a way that comes natural to them. In all honesty though, I rarely have met a parent who fits perfectly into one label. In the beginning, I was told I was an AP parent, but the AP community told me I was a mainstream. I came to the conclusion that I parent. That is it. No labels on my style. Honestly, I do some things like an AP parent, and other things like a mainstream parent, and some things don't fit into either category. I parent my child the best way I know how, and I think I am doing a pretty good job as my son is a happy, healthy, bright two year old (on May 20th). Why do we feel the need to critique others parenting choices. Unless they are causing harm to their child, leave them be. We are all trying to do our best, whether that mean co-sleeping or crib, cloth or disposable diapers, purees or baby-led solids.....we are all doing our best. Each child and each parent is different, and we are all trying to do our best to raise a productive, independent, bright member of society.</span><br />
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<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">As for "Are you mom enough" I feel the breastfeeding community has been very outspoken in their distaste for this headline. It is clear TIME magazine was trying to get attention, stir up controversy, and get in the media. Were they trying to fuel the mommy wars? Maybe. Or maybe they were playing off every mother's fear that they are not "mom enough" to sell magazines. Either way, I want every mom to know that your being "mom enough" is not based on length of breastfeeding or parenting style. Any mother who is working towards doing what is best for her child and keeping them healthy and happy is mom enough in my opinion.</span><br />
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<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text"><i>***In the interest of full disclosure, while I was writing this post, the wife (the DJs are a husband & wife team) did come on and leave a comment that the abnormal being pushed as normal statement came from her husband and was meant as a joke, and that she had it deleted so that it wouldn't confuse people. </i></span><br />
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<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text"><br /></span>Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-49196638604384362042012-04-10T22:14:00.003-06:002012-04-10T22:14:47.371-06:00Congrats to ToniCongratulations to Toni on the birth of her baby boy! He was born Sunday (Easter) at 10:48. His birth was non-medicated! He is adorable, healthy, and a super calm baby. Toni was doing great at getting him to eat, even though he would rather sleep. Wishing you all the best, a wonderful breastfeeding experience, and a quick recovery.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-35611798102558704122012-03-17T23:04:00.001-06:002012-03-17T23:26:17.018-06:00Letting Go of the GuiltWhen you first find out you are expecting, you start picturing your life with baby. As time goes on, you start making a plan for the birth of your child. You have this idea of how it will be. Whether it will involve an epidural, or be med free. Home or hospital or birth center. You make a birth plan, or you go with the flow. Same with breastfeeding or formula feeding. You might have a plan, or you might decide you will go with the flow and give breastfeeding a try.<br />
But what happens when those things don't go as planned. What happens when your plan for a non-medicated, vaginal birth ends in a c-section? What happens when you were going to exclusively breastfeed and you end up supplementing or switching to formula. Sometimes, nothing. Sometimes, especially if you are just a "go with the flow" person, you adjust well. Sometimes though, this leads to a huge amount of guilt.<br />
When I gave my son his first bit of formula, it pained me. I felt like my body was failing. As I continued to supplement with formula, I felt that my PCOS had effected my supply. That MY BODY was the issue. For months I felt guilty that I couldn't give my son all the nutrition he needed on my own.<br />
After 3-4 months, I started this blog, as a way to get out my frustrations. I had researched a lot, and talked with a lot of friends. And I had realized something- the system had failed me.<br />
My supply wasn't low in the beginning. NOPE. My son had lost slightly more than the 10% that was "acceptable" but after induction and a c-section, it is likely his birth weight was inflated. Also, I had been in the hospital 24 hours longer than a vaginal delivery, giving him more time to lose weight. A vaginal baby would have been weighed for discharge a day earlier. Had my son been weighed a day earlier, he may have been within the 10%. My milk still hadn't come in. C-sections are known to delay milk coming in, and first time moms milk often takes longer to come in then with future babies. Since my milk wasn't in, it was expected my son would lose weight. But did the pediatrician on staff that day say any of this. No. He simply told me to supplement after 2-3 feedings a day.<br />
When I took my son back in to be weighed 2 days later, he was gaining weight. My milk had started to come in. But, I was too scared that I was starving my baby to simply stop supplementing. Instead, I tried to pump. When pumping would only bring .5 oz a session, I thought something was wrong. I didn't realize that it was normal, especially being new to pumping.<br />
Each time I supplemented, it was time away from the breast. The pacifier, time away from the breast. Swaddling so baby slept longer, made for more time away from the breast. And pumping- well- a pump was no substitute for my son when it came to extracting milk.<br />
Looking back, I realized a lot of the "booby traps" I fell for. When I realized them, what did I do- felt even more guilty. How could I have fallen for them? Why didn't I try harder? Why would that pediatrician lead me astray? Why would I just believe anything a doctor says without researching it?<br />
There were times the guilt consumed me. Consumed my every thought. I had dreams about those moments, both how they were, and how they "should" have gone. The guilt actually began to make me despise my body.<br />
Now, please don't think this was PPD. I loved being a mommy, I loved my son. I was just devastated that body had failed, and then later learning it may not have had I done things differently. It was emotions I had felt before when my body failed me to conceive for 8 years.<br />
One day, I realized I needed to move on when I started crying while feeding my son. I realized it was time to let go of the guilt. Luckily, having gone through infertility, I had already figured out how to do that. It took a few steps.<br />
<ol><li><b>Own up!</b> You can't let go of guilt until you own up to the situation. Just like an addict admitting they have a problem is the first step in recovery, owning up to your role, if any, is the first step in letting go of the guilt. You were anxious to be induced before your due date, and it ended in a c-section or a NICU stay for baby. You fell for booby traps, or were misinformed about some aspects of breastfeeding. Whatever it is OWN UP TO IT. For me, this meant owning up to the booby traps I fell for, the fact that I was misinformed and hadn't done my own research, and the fact that I doubted my body before I should have.</li>
<li><b>Accept!</b> Accept that the past is the past. You did what you thought was best at the time. You made a mistake, or you listened to bad advice. Whatever it is, accept that it happened. If you don't own up and accept your role, you will continue to blame others, your body, or just yourself, and you will not learn from it. You won't be able to move on. </li>
<li><b>Forgive Others! </b>You can't hold on to rage or anger towards someone and be able to move on. Continually cursing the pediatrician who told me to supplement was only keeping me in the role of victim, and not allowing me to move on. Let yourself forgive those that may have led you to make a decision you regret so that you can stop focusing on it. </li>
<li><b>Decide a course of action!</b> Decide what you will do differently next time. Decide what you would want to change. Decide how you will handle things next time. If there won't be a next time, decide how you will choose to remember the first time. Will you focus on the things you are upset about, or will you focus on the positive outcome? I have chosen to remember how wonderful it was the times I breastfed my son. To look at how happy I was to have my little man. I have decided to remember the funny moments from breastfeeding, the gentle, intimate memories. Focusing on the positive was a big step for me. Then making a decision that next time I will not supplement simply over a few extra ounces lost, that I will not have formula stashed in the house, and that I will have a support group set up, have educated myself, and have things on hand to help my supply if needed. Making this decision makes me excited to breastfeed. Excited as I was with lil man. I can't wait to have another baby and breastfeed him or her.</li>
<li><b>Forgive Yourself!</b> I remember going through something in my life, and seeking counsel from a religious leader. One of the things he said was that I needed to forgive myself. That I would not be able to move on until I did so. If you keep beating yourself up over something, you will never get past it. So forgive yourself. You have owned up, you have forgiven others, you have decided what you would want to do differently the next time, so forgive yourself.</li>
</ol>Once these steps are done, and really, truly done, you will begin to feel the weight of the guilt lifted. You will be able to move on. Enjoy the things you have, and look forward to the future.<br />
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It was important for me to let go of the guilt. Until I did so, anytime the topic of breastfeeding came up, I was on defense. I felt any comment about formula or supplementing was aimed at me. If someone talked about most women make plenty of milk, I was defensive. If someone said anything about anything I was going through being human error, mine or someone else's, I would get upset. Once I let go of that guilt, I could realize, this wasn't the case. Someone saying that breastfeeding was worth the effort was not saying I was not dedicated. A comment about booby traps didn't mean I was an awful mom for that fell for anything. A pro-breastfeeding statement did not mean that formula was poison.<br />
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Letting go was so freeing, I felt like a new person. I was able to truly enjoy the remainder of our breastfeeding relationship, even with supplementation.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-35916938987401704912012-02-29T22:23:00.001-07:002012-03-02T21:17:08.781-07:00Is This Normal Or Is Something Wrong?There is a lot I wish I had known when I began breastfeeding. Some things are specific to my experience (c-sections effect on birth weight, etc) and some things I think are things all moms need to know. I write about this kind of thing a lot- but there is a reason for that- those first 6 weeks, almost every mom doubts her breastfeeding ability, her supply, her child's latch, or some other aspect of breastfeeding.<br />
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To know what is natural or "normal" I really suggest <a href="http://www.kellymom.com/bf/normal/newborn-nursing.html">this site</a> .<br />
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However, it is one thing to read the information, and another to be the mom doubting if what you are experiencing is normal. For that reason, it is always good to hear from other moms what was going on during the first few weeks and months. I decided to take a very un-scientific poll on this blog's facebook page. It was a very small sampling as I only had it up for a few days- but the percentages reflect what I have noticed on breastfeeding boards, forums, and other sites.<br />
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I asked moms who breastfed for at least 6-10 weeks what behaviors, etc that they experienced. I am going to start with a few "common myths"<br />
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<b>I never became engorged so my milk didn't come in properly.</b><br />
30% of moms who answered the poll never experienced engorgement. Several of these moms had an oversupply or breastfed exclusively. It is just as common to not feel engorged as it is to feel engorged. For me, my milk came in gradually. THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL! I wouldn't have even known that my milk was coming in had it not been for the LC who pointed out that the milk was getting white. Please, do not feel that just because you never felt "full" or engorged that you have a low supply.<br />
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<b>My baby spits up, is fussy, colicky so he must be allergic to my milk.</b><br />
Baby's digestive system is very immature. It is just starting to handle food, and it takes time. This is why we don't just jump right into solids. It is common for baby to spit up, or be colicky. Fussiness is also common. 50% of moms who answered the poll had babies who spit up or had reflux issues. If you are concerned, talk with your pediatrician about ways to handle this. If your pediatrician suggests formula- switch doctors. Formula often makes this worth. Same with colic. 33% of moms said their child had <a href="http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/tc/colic-overview">colic</a>. Many parents also confuse normal gas pains and fussiness with colic. Colic is inconsolable crying for 3-5 hours a day most days of the week. Not many babies actually have true colic (although I know a few of the moms who answered the poll definitely dealt with this). Most of the time it is normal fussiness and gas. The immature digestive system and the change from having constant nourishment through the umbilical cord, to having to nurse and then digest the food and then nurse again, is a big change for a baby. 40% of moms who answered the poll, experienced a fussy baby.<br />
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<b>My baby is low on the charts and/or gaining weight slowly so I must have supply issues.</b><br />
First, it is important to understand two things- 1) Every baby is different. We have to have babies at the low end of the charts, and some at the high end of the charts. With Lil Man I had to learn this as I watched him not even make the charts because he was so small. Hearing other moms say "Mama's milk is great because my baby is in the 90th percentile" really hurt. <b>THOSE CHARTS ARE NOT TEST SCORES- BEING IN THE 10th PERCENTILE DOESN'T MEAN YOUR CHILD IS FAILING. </b>I can not even count how many times I have shared that last sentence on boards and threads where I see moms worrying about percentages. When do percentages matter? When your child is not proportionate and is in the 90th percentile for height, but 5th percentile for weight. Or when at 3 months your child is in the 90% and at 6 months is suddenly down to 20%. This is when you should be concerned. Not when you have a child who is in the 15% bracket for height and 10% bracket for weight. When something doesn't add up. 2) Some doctors still use the CDC chart- this chart is based on FORMULA FED BABIES. Formula fed babies tend to be heavier during certain ages and then lighter during others. Double check with your pediatrician what chart they are using. The <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/who_charts.htm">CDC has directed doctors that they should be using the WHO growth charts until age 2</a> and then the CDC growth charts after that. The WHO growth charts are based on breastfeeding being the normal source of nutrition, and it also compares weight to height- which lets you know if there really is a problem.<br />
Once you get past the charts- it is important to understand that breastmilk is more easily digested and broken down by baby. It converts into energy better, and the remainder- passes through the body and out into their diaper easier. Sure, some breastfed babies are nice and plump, but many are not. 50% of the moms who answered the poll said their babies had slow weight gain. But that doesn't mean their babies were not healthy.<br />
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<b>My baby eats all the time. Either I am not making enough, or something else is wrong. </b><br />
We have all heard that "breastfed babies need to eat every 2-3 hours during the day and every 3-4 hours at night." In fact, that was almost taught as the golden rule in the breastfeeding class I took. Problem with that- It isn't true in the beginning. In the beginning those number reflect a bottle fed baby (more on that in a moment). A breastfed baby often needs to eat more often then that during the first month or two of life. Around 8 weeks, the feedings spread out a little more, but until then, it is not uncommon for mama to be feeding baby every hour on the hour, both day and night. (It isn't as bad as it seems, I promise, and the time is really short when you look back on it.) Some moms get concerned when they pump, and then baby takes 3-4 ounces and doesn't need to eat for another few hours. Well, bottle fed (both EBM and formula) babies will often finish a bottle- even if they are not hungry. Think about when you go out to dinner, and you order your meal, and they bring out a serving 2-3 times what you eat at home. Even though you may be content 1/3 of the way through- think about how often you continue eating, sometimes even ordering dessert. Especially if you see everyone else still eating- basically encouraging you to eat. That is what the bottle is like. Baby might be full at 1-2 ounces, but because there is still some there, and someone is encouraging them to continue drinking it, they eat more than they need, and there for are OVERLY FULL. Also, they may continue to eat because the sucking that is done is not just about nutrition but comfort (hence comfort nursing). <b> </b>This may be why they continue to drink from the bottle, even after they are full. Finally, babies at a young age are only meant to take in 1-2 ounces every 2 hours. If you are truly concerned- seek the help of a IBCLC (certified lactation consultant).<br />
97% of moms who answered the poll experienced frequent nursing. Frequent nursing is probably the most common newborn breastfeeding behavior, and is also probably the thing that makes moms question their supply and their breastfeeding relationship more than anything else.<br />
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Other common things that moms who answered this poll encountered-<br />
36% of moms experienced a baby who frequently broke latch. This is often caused by over active letdown or an over supply. You can read more about how to handle that <a href="http://kellymom.com/bf/supply/fast-letdown.html">HERE</a>.<br />
88% of moms experienced a sleepy nurser. A lot of babies fall asleep at the breast. To help with this- try to keep from swaddling baby for the first 10 days after birth, never swaddle while breastfeeding. Strip baby down to the diaper, tickle baby's feet, and other things of this nature to help keep baby awake. What helped Lil Man was changing his diaper BEFORE feeding him.<br />
Approximately 45% of moms experience frequesnt waking. So many moms are ready for their little ones to sleep through the night (the medical definition of sleeping through the night is NOT a 8-12 hour stretch but a 5 hour stretch- parents often want their definition of 8-12 hours). First, remember that this time is short. Second, most children need to wake and eat at least 1-2 times a night, even until close to 18 months of age, some longer. Also, it is important to realize that breastmilk is again, easily digested and baby needs to eat more. This is actually HEALTHIER for baby then having formula stick in their digestive system making them feel full and giving them less nutrients. Lastly, there are so many benefits to baby waking to eat at night. They are less likely to experience SIDS if they are still waking at night. (I am still trying to find the link for this. I had it the other day but this post got deleted and I have to find it again.) When a baby sleeps through the night, they fall into a deeper sleep and are less likely to wake if their breathing is obstructed. Frequent waking, as well as being breastfed instead of formula fed, has been shown to lower the risk of SIDS.<br />
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So often, we think that those who succeed at breastfeeding must have had a easy journey. This very unscientific poll shows that is more common for moms to have obstacles than not.<br />
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So, now that we understand these "issues" are common or normal, how do we overcome them. Patience as far as night nursing, frequent nursing, and so forth. Having a great support system- a partner that supports breastfeeding, LLL or Nursing Moms group that you can attend to 1) get out and 2) ask advice, a IBCLC lined up to help determine if there are true supply or latch issues, and family and friends that are willing to help take care of other responsibilities or children during the first few months when you spend most your time nursing.<br />
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I feel so bad when I hear a mom has given up breastfeeding because she thought something was wrong because she encountered one of these behaviors. I hope every mom will realize they are not alone, seek out support, and do their best to get through this obstacle. I think the best advice I was ever given was "Don't quit on your worst day."Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-60435899658191261272012-01-30T13:27:00.001-07:002012-01-30T14:06:35.032-07:00Thoughts on Nurse-InsA few weeks ago, there was a lot of buzz around facebook and the breastfeeding community because of a Target Nurse In.<br />
What is a nurse in? Well, kind of like a sit in, but moms go to nurse their children, or support nursing moms, at an establishment that has had a "breastfeeding incident". Recently, a mom was asked to leave a Target store for nursing her child USING A COVER. This of course, resulted in outrage from the breastfeeding community, and a nurse in resulted.<br />
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I have mixed feelings on nurse-ins. On one hand, I feel companies need to have their employees understand breastfeeding, the right of the child to eat wherever it needs to be, laws that protect breastfeeding in most states, and have a company policy regarding breastfeeding. The lax policy target has on breastfeeding is an issue. However, on the other hand, as someone who worked as a manager in fast food, I know that no matter what your company policy may be- you will always have employees who let their own feelings get in the way, and don't follow the policy.<br />
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So how do I feel about nurse ins? I don't think they are wrong by any means. BUT- I think they may be ineffective. Most of the things I read regarding the nurse ins at Target were from those who already advocate breastfeeding. Those who are uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public were still uncomfortable and actually felt these women who participated in the nurse in were "hippies", "pushy", "weird", and one person even used the term "breastfeeding freaks".<br />
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A nurse-in shows an extreme. A bunch of mothers coming to make a statement. Sure, it may send the message to a company, but most the time the company itself is not the issue. Plenty of mothers have breastfed in Target with little to no issues. Both with and without using a cover. And few that have had issues, have been asked to leave once they inform the employee of their legal right to breastfeed in public.<br />
The issue is with individuals. People. Employees. Not because of what the company says is appropriate, but because what they have been taught by society as being appropriate and not appropriate. <br />
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Just like the sit-ins in the 60s & 70s didn't change most peoples opinions (that were not part of the movement), and made them think those who participated were extremists, rebels, freaks (with few exceptions like the civil rights movement), I have noticed nurse ins have the same effect. I read more negative comments then positive from those who were not already strong breastfeeding advocates.<br />
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Part of me thinks that this is because women feel that just because someone supports breastfeeding it means they are against formula and are trying to attack formula feeding. This is not the case. Honestly, all we are concerned about is being able to nourish our baby, just like a mother who bottle feeds. With nobody telling us to go to a bathroom, a car, or pump before coming out. <br />
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However, part of this is because society has sexualized breasts. BREASTS WERE MADE TO FEED BABIES. END OF STORY. The sexual pleasure of breasts is just an added bonus. It gets old hearing how people say breastfeeding is sexual, will make babies obsessed with breasts, and the such. CHILDREN DO NOT KNOW ABOUT SEXUALITY OF BREASTS UNTIL THEY ARE TAUGHT ABOUT IT. Because of the view our society has placed on breasts, people think these nurse ins are inappropriate and as wild and extreme as bra burning, or hippies going topless.<br />
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So, if I think nurse-ins are ineffective, what do we do? The way to change society's beliefs on breastfeeding and get the message across is to breastfeed. Not in large groups, organized to do so and trying to send a message to a company. If we want to change the mind of the individual, we need to normalize breastfeeding by doing it like we normally would, wherever we may be. Making a special trip to Target just to nurse my baby doesn't change the mind of Target....and especially not of an employee who was embarrassed about a mom nursing with a cover. All it does is get on the news and makes those who are already uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public think we are all "freaks". I have found extreme actions and words end up pushing people away from breastfeeding more than helping them see our side.<br />
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While I always knew I would breastfeed, those who had the biggest effect on me were those who nursed without making a big deal of the fact that they were breastfeeding. It was those who just went about their business and never made a big deal about what they were doing. It was those who quietly fed their baby at the table at Olive Garden, those who would nurse during a movie, the moms I see nursing at the zoo, amusement parks, and such, with now words, no large groups, no sign that says "breast is best" or the likes. It was those who treated breastfeeding like it should be- a normal, everyday action that is not shameful, but not something you have to yell from the rooftops.<br />
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I am not saying that you shouldn't share breastfeeding information. I would be a huge hypocrite if I said that. What I am saying is that sometimes we get so gung-ho about things, we forget how we might be coming off to the mother who is still debating about breastfeeding. We forget about those who have never thought to breastfeed and are just really thinking about it for the first time. <br />
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I look at it like religion. We all want to share our religion if we believe it is true. We want others to have the joy we have. But posting a million articles on the evils of other religions or how are religion is the "best" choice, or having demonstrations at local businesses to say our religion is great- come join now, does not make people want to join. What does make them want to join? Seeing the happiness in our lives, the example we set on a daily basis, not just when an entire group gets together. Thoughtful conversations at the right time. Those are the things that get them interested. Same with breastfeeding.<br />
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When deciding to go to a nurse-in- please, really think about it. Do you believe this will make a change? If so go for it. Are you doing it because it fits your role as the breastfeeding advocate? Is the company really the problem, or is it the employee, the single person. Is this a company that is known to treat breastfeeding mothers poorly, or is this a rare occurrence? <br />
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I don't see anything wrong with nurse ins, and have wished I could attend a few when I know that it is really a specific company that has issues, and not just individual employees, but I think they are not as effective as the breastfeeding community would like to believe they are.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-61954283106139992992011-12-11T20:37:00.001-07:002011-12-12T08:40:20.608-07:00When Advocacy Turns into BullyingI thought about titling this post "When Advocacy Turns Into Deterrence" or something of the sort, but I will be honest, I think Deterrence is when your intentions are to persuade someone not to do something. And that is not what this post intended to be about, because I don't feel any advocate's actions are to purposely keep someone from breastfeeding, otherwise you wouldn't be an advocate. I honestly feel that sometimes advocacy turns into bullying. Words meant to belittle another person, their morals or their parenting choices and the motive behind those choices crosses this line. This is not how I want to see breastfeeding advocated.<br />
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I highly suggest that anyone who considers themselves a breastfeeding supporter or advocate head over to <a href="http://www.theleakyboob.com/">The Leaky Boob</a> and read Jessica's series on Unsupportive Support, paying particular attention to the post about <a href="http://theleakyboob.com/2011/11/unsupportive-support-other-breastfeeders/">Other Breastfeeders</a>.<br />
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This week, I was able to witness a lot of interactions on breastfeeding. Some through forums, others through The Leaky Boob's facebook page, and other facebook interactions. A lot of the interactions were very positive, information being shared appropriately. However, there were 3 or 4 occasions that made me cringe. <br />
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For advocacy to be effective, it should be encouraging, informational, and free of judgement. When advocating, we must remember that actions speak louder than words. We should treat others how we would want to be treated. Remembering that everyone believes that they are right. Accusations just put up defenses.<br />
When someone who calls themselves an advocate questions morality, motive, and the integrity of someone with opposing views, opinions, or experiences all they do is cause the other person to put up defenses. The line of communication is shut down immediately.<br />
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<strong>When addressed with the statement that a mother was unable to make enough milk for her baby:</strong><br />
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<strong>The Bully:</strong> You didn't try hard enough. You took the easy out. No other mammal has supply issues. <br />
<strong>The Advocate:</strong> You did a great job! Remember that any breastmilk is better than none. What made you feel you had a low supply? (And then supply important FACTUAL information after finding out WHY the mom states she was unable to produce enough milk)<br />
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<strong>When an article on how scare tactics are wrong in breastfeeding advocacy is shared:</strong><br />
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<strong>The Bully:</strong> Formula is Poison, Mom's who choose it are selfish, immoral, lazy, and the such.<br />
<strong>The Advocate: </strong>It is not right that scare tactics are being used to encourage something so natural. There are risks to formula feeding that should be shared, (shares factual links, information). <br />
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<strong>When faced with the statements "every mother is doing what is best for her child" or "better formula than starvation":</strong><br />
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<strong>The Bully: </strong>Accuses people of taking the easy way out. Says they don't believe these mothers really have their child's best interest in mind. States that parents are really being selfish and not wanting to put in the work.<br />
<strong>The Advocate: </strong>Agrees, then states that cultural booby traps play a lot into the failure of breastfeeding, and that until these change, formula feeding will remain a common feeding option. Then politely educates those that breastfeeding is natural and has benefits for both baby and child.<br />
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<strong>When a conversation ensues about weaning a 6 month old as the mother is suffering severe anxiety from pumping while at work.</strong><br />
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<strong>The Bully: </strong>Tells the mother that she is being selfish. That she needs to continue until at least 12 months so that her child can be healthy. Tells the mother to just not have the baby take any bottles while she is at work, or get milk from a donor.<br />
<strong>The Advocate: </strong>Starts by congratulating the mom on her 6 months of accomplishments. Offers tips to relax. Suggests seeking medical help for safe medications to deal with anxiety while breastfeeding, then encourages her to not fully wean if she must give up pumping, but then to supplement with either donor breast milk if feasible, but if not, then formula if needed. Will also encourage the mother to educate herself on reverse cycling, and adaptability of her child, where the child may not need much fluids while she is away. The advocate will end with once again reminding the mom what a great gift she has given her baby so far.<br />
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<strong>When an expectant mother states she is nervous about how her partner will view breastfeeding, specifically nursing in public:</strong><br />
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<strong>The Bully: </strong>Tells her that if he doesn't understand it is his problem and that he will just have to deal with it. He needs to get over the sexual part of breasts and get a clue.<br />
<strong>The Advocate: </strong>Acknowledges that this is a valid concern. Encourages the mother to first, educate herself (giving her references like kellymom.com and other helpful links), and then to have an honest discussion with her partner, regarding the importance of breastfeeding, but reminds her to really listen to what he has to say, and address his concerns, while still stating how important it is to her that she has his full support. The advocate then encourages the mom to return to her/the forum with any questions or concerns she may have and wishes her a wonderful birth and breastfeeding experience.<br />
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<strong>When a mother states she supplemented during her breastfeeding relationship:</strong><br />
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<strong>The Bully: </strong>Tells a mom that she didn't trust her body. Tells the mother that she didn't try hard enough. Says that supply issues are just in her head and an excuse to "half ass" breastfeeding. (Direct quote from this week)<br />
<strong>The Advocate: </strong>Reminds the mother that any breastmilk is better than none. If the mother seemed open to it, the advocate will suggest tips that may be helpful to the mother next time.<br />
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<strong>When it comes to breastfeeding in general:</strong><br />
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<strong>The Bully:</strong> Views it as the only way, that there is NO REASON a mother should turn to formula, states in writing or verbally that those who use formula are somehow less moral, less of a parent, lazy, or selfish. Does not acknowledge that our culture sets mothers up to fail, or if the bully does, they feel it is a very minor roll. The bully feels that it is okay to use scare tactics, name calling, and belittlement if someone chooses formula for any reason. They feel that they are superior because of their choice and success to breastfeed, whether it was easy for them, or a challenge. When others talk about challenges that led them to formula, the bully is quick to point out that they faced something "harder" and overcame.<br />
<strong>The Advocate: </strong>Uses gentle education, encouragement, and understanding to help others succeed in breastfeeding. She will remember that sharing her success, and focusing on her breastfeeding relationship, being open to nurse in public, and offering help to others, is the best way to advocate breastfeeding. She is there to listen, will acknowledge booby traps and other issues. She understands that supply issues can be real, but understands they are rare and many women are misinformed. Instead of accusations, she will offer information. In the end, she will accept that she can not make the choice for anybody else, and that breastfeeding vs formula feeding does not determine the health or happiness of a child in and of itself. She understands that breastfeeding is the natural choice, but not the only choice, and not always the right choice.<br />
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We need to remember, when we are trying to encourage others to breastfeed, that you are more likely to encourage them by being a good example then anything else. Sharing information (factual, with sources) will always beat degrading comments. Most of all, we need to recognize that our society sets a mother up for failure more often then it sets her up for success, and until that changes, women are going to face a lot of booby traps, min-information, and more, and that formula IS better than a starving baby and every mom IS trying to do what is best for her child.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-33818792733746961902011-12-11T19:30:00.000-07:002011-12-11T19:30:19.416-07:00And Toni's Baby #3 is a ......<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvJixlu7H7zEgS3VpaZKv5BHyvD_b3ddukL-ru_hBrP7886Z5EzL_T2FEZ3MmrTrhyphenhypheni1xpHsmpNRk_qZuhrlmt7jIX_UjQ2C5jqN5VeYTN2Ixx5BHYjuYzahqMxt4aEP6E0Ca-oAnNJXrQ/s1600/Boy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" mda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvJixlu7H7zEgS3VpaZKv5BHyvD_b3ddukL-ru_hBrP7886Z5EzL_T2FEZ3MmrTrhyphenhypheni1xpHsmpNRk_qZuhrlmt7jIX_UjQ2C5jqN5VeYTN2Ixx5BHYjuYzahqMxt4aEP6E0Ca-oAnNJXrQ/s400/Boy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Congrats Toni! I am super excited for your family!</div>Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-71685408636880734552011-11-16T15:11:00.001-07:002011-11-16T15:12:47.102-07:00Dear Mama-to-be, Love BabyDear Mama,<br />
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Right now, you are getting all geared up for my arrival. The nursery is ready, the co-sleeper or crib is set up, you have probably folded and re-folded my clothes a million times. You have a birth plan in place, and hopefully, since you are reading this, you have decided that part of that plan is to breastfeed to give me some important nourishment.<br />
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Mama, I want to tell you something, I have heard you say "I am going to TRY and breastfeed." I am so happy that you are giving it a go, and I want you to know, you don't have to try, YOU CAN! Look at how amazing your body has been already. It has already provided for me during these crucial 40(ish) weeks, and it will continue to provide for me for the next 6 months and beyond. There doesn't need to be a "try" about this mama, so please, don't doubt yourself, or your body. You can do this.<br />
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I heard your friend telling you how her milk wasn't in so a few days after giving birth she went to formula. I promise you Mommy, all I need for those first days is the colostrum your body is most likely already producing. In fact, I would feel deprived if that colostrum was taken from me, replaced by instant breastmilk. That liquid gold is so packed full of antibodies, it will help my immune system more than you could know.<br />
She told you her baby was fussy and eating all the time, so she knew it was starving. Mom, I will be fussy and I will want to eat all the time. I mean, I just came from this great situation where I had nourishment flowing to me ALL. THE. TIME. out into this world where I have to cry or give cues to get fed. My stomach is still tiny (marble size), and can not hold much milk. On top of that, mama milk is made specifically for me, which means I can digest it easy, and so I will want it more often. BUT- I promise this stage won't last long. I promise I will eventually spread out my feedings, I will learn to eat quicker, and that we will get this thing down. Just please don't give up on it on your worst day, and please, stick it out for a few months. We both have some learning to do here.<br />
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I heard Grandma telling you that she wanted to help feed the baby so you should supplement, or pump. I love Grandma, but please let her know, that this new world will confuse me a lot, and I need to know where my food is coming from- from mama. I need that bonding time, that special nourishment, and I might get confused if someone tried to feed me some other way before I am ready (in 6-8 weeks at the earliest). I also hope you will let her know, that formula is not a replacement for breastmilk, and that, while it has it's place in this new world, it is not as nutritionally tailored to my needs as your breastmilk. <br />
Could you also let her know that there will be lots of other ways for her to help and bond? Let her know that baths, diaper changes, and just cuddling with me will let me bond with her and know that she is someone who loves me.<br />
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I heard Daddy say that he was nervous about you feeding me out in public. Please let him know that it is nothing to be ashamed of. Remind him that his child needs to eat, and that the benefits of breastfeeding completely outweigh the "embarrassment factor" he is worried about. Assure him that it will be discreet, maybe find some pictures to show him of women nursing discreetly. Let him know that after a few months, it will be nothing to him, and to please not worry about it.<br />
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I heard at the breastfeeding class the lady said I should eat every 2-3 hours. I hope you know this is for older babies. I may need to eat every hour, on the hour, for an hour at first, but again, it won't last long.<br />
She also said you will become engorged- I know I don't have much experience in this matter, ok none, but please know that as many women DON'T become engorged as those that do. Your milk may come in slowly, and it is fine. I will just keeping taking in that liquid gold for the first 5-10 days. I will be ok.<br />
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I remember Aunt Jen saying to you how her child lost too much weight, so she had to supplement. Mommy- I will lose weight- After all, I am going from 24 hour nourishment, and lots of liquid being sent my way, to eating on demand, learning to eat, and so much more. Even if I lose a few ounces over the "acceptable" amount, please understand, I may not really need any new nourishment. Beware of those who push you to supplement due to reasons such as jaundice, weight, milk not in by a certain day, and crying. <br />
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Mom- I may lose weight, I may get colic, I might have times when I want to nurse all day, and other days where I hardly nurse at all. I might have a few bumps in the road, but we will get through this together.<br />
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Still, don't feel you have to go this alone. Please mom, educate yourself. Have information for possible hurdles we might come by (<a href="http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/index.html">http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/index.html</a>). Have some help lined up so that we can camp out on the couch while you feed me. <br />
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Please, though, Mama, don't doubt yourself, or your decision. This is the best first gift you can give me, and it is a gift that keeps on giving. Don't worry about 12 months, 18 months, or when you will wean at this time, just focus on the now, and take it day by day, Heck- I will be doing the same thing. This is new to both of us, but I will keep trying if you will too.<br />
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Love, <br />
Your BabyBeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-39436910077051439272011-10-15T22:34:00.000-06:002011-10-15T22:34:04.306-06:00An Exciting AnnouncementWell, since she announced it on facebook, she has given me permission to announce it here-<br />
Toni, one of our authors, is excitedly expecting baby #3 next spring!!!!!!<br />
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I look forward to someone who can give some fresh new posts on their breastfeeding experience.<br />
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I was with Toni when she went to her first OB appointment, as her husband was unable to attend. She was given a goody bag with formula in it. I loved how she recognized that this was a booby trap that they were trying to get her hooked before her little one was even born.<br />
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Congrats Toni! I am so excited for you! Since you have 2 pinks, I am kind of hoping for blue- lil man needs another lil boy around to play with!Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-75719876224216200202011-10-15T22:31:00.000-06:002011-10-15T22:31:31.345-06:00Today-I apologize for the absence of posts. I have been busy with school, photography, being mommy, and some personal things that have been going on.<br />
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I have always been open about my struggles with infertility, so I was very excited this summer when I had a positive pregnancy test only 2 months in to actively trying to conceive baby #2. Unfortunately, it was not the right time, and I suffered a miscarriage (while on vacation without Disney Daddy). This is the second time I have miscarried and the pain of this miscarriage hit hard, since we had thought I had not even ovulated the month we conceived and we were ecstatic that it had happened so easily.<br />
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Today is pregnancy & infant loss awareness day. Miscarriages, even very early in the pregnancy, are painful. The hurt and wonder of "why me" haunts a woman. She questions every little action she did wondering if she could have prevented the loss.<br />
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Please take a moment to remember those who have lost an unborn child, or a child shortly after birth. Say a prayer for them, send them a positive thought, and remember that the pain is real. Also remember, that doesn't mean that they aren't happy for those who are able to conceive and have healthy babies- but at times, they just need to be able to escape the reminder of that which they lost.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-38955806058131575322011-08-29T14:55:00.000-06:002011-08-29T14:55:32.483-06:00Do Online Parenting Boards Fuel the "Mommy Wars"?I was driving to school this morning, Heading to my Oral Communication class, thinking about things we had discussed and what I had read. It was about perception and how we use our experiences to perceive things.<br />
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This got me thinking- about a time when Lil Man was around 2-3 months old. I was taking my niece to the zoo and had stopped in a back area to nurse Lil Man while she played on a slide in the zoo. A couple other moms came with their infants, bottle fed, and let their older children play. I smiled at the moms, and they gave what I perceived as a forced smile to me. They then stared at how I was nursing my child, and then got up and walked to another area. To me, it seemed clear that they either did not approve of my nursing in public (even though I was using a cover to keep my fair child from getting scorched by the sun) or they were worried that I was going to say something about the method they chose to feed their child.<br />
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Now, I am not sure that they moved because of my nursing, but the body language, and expressions made me feel like they did....as well as one other thing....my experience with a popular online birth board. Online, I had read countless stories of breastfeeding mothers getting dirty looks, being asked to leave, or rude comments made in passing. I had also read several stories of formula or bottle feeding mothers saying they were chastised out in public for not breastfeeding. I had never SEEN in real life, any of these events take place, yet these stories skewed my perception of how breastfeeding and formula feeding moms interact with each other.<br />
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In real life, every mother that I know uses disposable diapers. The few I have met (in passing) that use cloth, never talked about it. They just did it, never paid attention to if my child wore cloth or disposable diapers, and we talked about other, more important things. If you go online, to a birth board, cloth vs disposable is one of those "hot topics" that will ultimately end in a show down. Cloth Diapering mothers arguing to the death about how cloth is more cost effective, cute, less toxic, and so much more. Disposable Diapering mothers feeling as though they have to explain why they chose to go the route they did. Not only that, inevitably, a EC mommy (elimination communication) will come in and point out there would be no issue if everybody just did EC.<br />
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The list goes on and on- CIO vs No-Cry sleep methods, stay home mom vs working mom, purees vs baby-led solids, vaccination vs not, circumcise or not, and so much more. The words that spill out on these "threads" can be snide, crude, antagonistic, and so much more.<br />
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I can't help but think that these online sites have taught us to put up our defences. These interactions, often quick and thoughtless by those who antagonize, make us feel that everyone is waiting to judge or comment on each choice we make as a parent.<br />
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Now don't get me wrong, there would always be people who judge. Those that think "if they would just do this, their child wouldn't be like that" and so on..... BUT- how often in real life, do we TELL people these things? Not very often. If we think them, we usually keep them to ourselves, or at most, say something to our spouse, or friend. While this doesn't make those thoughts right, it does spare feelings, and unnecessary confrontation.<br />
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So while I would never, ever, say anything like that in real life, and most of us probably wouldn't, the online forums have made us feel as though someone will. Online, people chuck their manners out the window before sitting at the keyboard, they have no one to answer to, no "real" consequences, and if things get heated, it is easy for them to walk away. They also usually find a group to back them up in how they fill. If they word things just right, the bully, can even come off as the victim.<br />
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But in real life, we are usually in a one-on-one type situation. We are just as vulnerable as the other person. Not only that, we want to be liked in real life. We want positive interactions with other moms. We want to share common experiences, not dwell on the choices we make that are different.<br />
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If I had never been to this online forum, and never seen some of these "wars" I would not even know of their existence. I would never have thought that those moms were either judging me or waiting to be judged, I would have thought they just were wanting some privacy (since there were 2 and they were in a conversation).<br />
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Technology and the internet are wonderful tools. I have made some wonderful friends through these online sites, but I can't help but notice they have taken the "Mommy Wars" to an entirely new level. We expect to be judged for every choice we make, and we feel that we need to label ourselves, and group ourselves with other moms that have our labels. Is there an answer to this? Yes. The answer is to stop putting labels on ourselves and others, educate but be respectful, and use the same courtesy we would in person, online. Will people do this? Probably not. While it would be AMAZING if they did, every month, a new birth board is started for expected mothers, and every month, their are new moms to get in wars. Moms seeking advice will get strong advocates- some that are respectful, and unfortunately some that are not, and the mommy wars will continue.<br />
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Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-44401184050878299862011-08-03T15:27:00.000-06:002011-08-03T15:27:20.244-06:00You Don't Have to DO It To SUPPORT ItI am an athletic supporter! I LOVE college football (GO BOISE STATE!) and really enjoyed going to any type of sporting event in school. I love soccer. However, I am not a big athlete. NOPE! Even when I was younger and loved soccer, throwing a baseball, and if I do say so myself- had a killer serve in volleyball- I was never what I would consider an "athlete." <br />
I still understand the games, appreciate them, enjoy seeing the advertisements, watching the ratings, and have a little fun taunting with my friends though. I love seeing our home team challenge the system, the United States take some gold and silver medals, and seeing the world unite over the Olympic Games.<br />
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<strong>You don't have to do something to support it.</strong> Just like I support athletics, but am not an athlete. My friends supported me as a musician/singer in school, even though they did not play an instrument or sing in the choir. So let me say it again- <strong><u>YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO SUPPORT IT! </u></strong><br />
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While <a href="http://mybreastthoughts.blogspot.com/2011/06/why-i-want-you-to-breastfeed.html">I do care if someone chooses to breastfeed</a>- I understand that not every mom will. I do hope though, that every mom, husband, family member will choose to support breastfeeding- even if they do not breastfeed.<br />
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What is support? So many people say they "support" breastfeeding. What do they mean? In my opinion- supporting breastfeeding is more than not giving dirty looks to someone nursing in public. <br />
When I think of the word support, I think of bras. I know- strange- but I do. First, you have the training bra- that is comparable to that which I just mentioned- you don't give dirty looks at someone who is breastfeeding in public, or you don't lead them into booby traps. You aren't discouraging, but you could do more.<br />
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Next, you have a simple bra- no underwire- soft cup. Very comfortable but still leaves you flopping around when you need the best support possible. I would compare this to those that who really urge breastfeeding, but then come back and say things like "start solids early", "you are nursing too often", "if it doesn't work out then just switch to formula", or "formula fed babies sleep better at night." A lot of times they bring up wives tales, make the mom feel like any struggle is her fault, they don't support breastfeeding past a year, and more. They don't understand why a mom would not leave her breastfed baby for a week, tell them to pump and let others give a bottle to bond- not understanding how it will effect the breastfeeding relationship.<br />
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One of the most wonderful inventions was the underwire- Add that to a firmer cup and you have a pretty supportive bra. This is the friend who, no matter what her feeding preference, will support you, look up answers to your nursing issues for you, tell you how proud she is of you. This is the husband, like Disney Daddy, who comforts you when you are crying from feeling like all you are is a big breast or milk sac to your child, tells you how proud they are, how much they appreciate what you are doing for your child and lets you know that you can do it. This is the pediatrician who reminds you the benefits of breastfeeding, lets you know that your child is healthy- even if they are smaller than a formula fed baby- and tells you to keep breastfeeding until you and child are ready to wean when your child is already 18 months old. This is true support. <br />
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I like to call myself an athletic supporter. Whether you like the term supporter, fan, encourager- whatever, I hope that you will find yourself being a breastfeeding supporter. <br />
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At the same time- I hope that moms will support each other in general. I would much rather a mother feed her child formula then have her child starve. I would prefer a mom who can not exclusively breastfeed supplement knowing she is still giving her little one the benefits of breastfeeding then feel like a failure. I hope everyone learns that the important thing is to support each other in being the best parent we can be.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-62753459678603194472011-07-31T20:53:00.000-06:002011-07-31T20:53:10.727-06:00Asking For It!Oh dear, what am I going to do. It was fine and dandy when I had to try and read his cues, or had to try and keep a schedule of it. Now that he has learned not only how to sign for it, but how to say/ask for it- I think I am going to have to put a stop to it.<br />
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What? You are confused.<br />
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OH- because you thought I had weaned Lil Man....<br />
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See, Lil Man has learned the sign and word "Eat."<br />
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That is right....he knows how to ask for it.<br />
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BUT WAIT- that is not all....he will also walk to the kitchen and fridge. Great- he knows how/where to access food too. Then today, when we opened the fridge- he REACHED FOR THE FOOD he wanted!<br />
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So, I guess it is time to stop feeding him. After all, he is asking for it, signing it, and trying to access it himself. So I guess I better stop feeding him.<br />
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Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it? Why do people feel that as soon as a child can ask for milk, lift a shirt, or say "nurse" or whatever term they choose for breastfeeding, that it is time to wean, yet we encourage a child to ask for "ba ba" or bottle, hold their own bottle, and we expect them to learn to access food?<br />
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Our society seems to think that the breast was made simply for their sexual purpose. The truth is, they are first and foremost, a food source for our young, and the rest is an added bonus.<br />
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This week is World Breastfeeding Week (starting August 1st). My hope and prayer for this week is that women everywhere will help spread the word that breastfeeding is natural, normal and beautiful. That it is not perverted, that it is what we are meant to do. I hope that as this week goes on, we will all support breastfeeding, whether we choose to breastfeed or not. I hope that we can help encourage others to breastfeed and to help each other realize that their is no magic switch that as soon as a baby can ask for it, gets teeth, or turns one- they should stop. <br />
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I am looking forward to this week, and hope to have several posts, by myself and other guest authors, to celebrate and support breastfeeding.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-62709805274443246642011-07-19T10:23:00.000-06:002011-07-19T10:23:13.669-06:00Booby-TrapsA friend of mine started out breastfeeding her 3rd child. The child became fussy at around 1 month, crying not sleeping, and the mother, tired, called the pediatrician who let her know that her child was most likely colicky. What did the pediatrician suggest- formula. <br />
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This mother, tired, still learning how to breastfeed, having two other children to care for, followed the advice, only to learn too late that formula does not solve colic or reflux, or any of the other woes her child went through- in fact- it made it worse. It caused more spit up, more tummy aches, and did not help her child sleep at night.<br />
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This was a booby trap. We as a society acknowledge the importance of breastfeeding, we encourage it during pregnancy, but once the mom makes the decision to breastfeed, and is trying to work through any complications that arise, suddenly, that support has vanished. We have myths, wives tales and that friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend anecdote that says whatever breastfeeding problem ails you- formula fixes it.<br />
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When Lil Man was born, I fell "victim" to many such booby traps. From supplementing, to PCOS and low supply to more...looking back, I realized how so many suggestions, beliefs, and more were actually booby traps.<br />
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So what are some of the most common booby traps- I have listed a few. After reading- feel free to leave a comment with any other booby traps you have heard or encountered.<br />
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<ol><li><strong>Supplementation- If baby loses more than X amount of weight, doesn't get back to birth weight by X date, etc- you need to supplement.</strong> There is a lot more to your child's health then the number on the scale. It took me a long time to realize this. Lil Man has always been small, and seeing his numbers slowly creep up was hard. He has always been in the 1-3% for his weight (and height). I took me a long time to realize that those percentiles were not test grades, my son's health was not failing, and as much as the resident pediatrician wanted to make it sound like it- the fact that he lost a little over 10% of his body weight DID NOT mean I needed to supplement. I learned the hard way. Their are a lot of things to consider when considering supplementation- and yes, in a VERY FEW cases, it is necessary, and then should be done with great caution. Supplementation is a booby trap. Why- because it is a slippery slope. Supplementing takes time away from the breast- and that hurts supply, and then eventually, if this pattern continues, will harm supply until supplementation is actually necessary, and sometimes leads to bottle preference and early weaning by a parent.</li>
<li><strong>Breastfeeding keeps Dad and others from bonding with the baby</strong>- SERIOUSLY??? So how did others bond with babies before there was formula? Bathing the baby is not bonding? Playing with the baby is not bonding? So basically, the only way people believe you can bond with a child is by feeding them? WOW- no wonder why so many people smother others with food, our population is overweight, and we really do not understand how to eat in moderation. We feel it is the only way to bond with other humans. Let's get serious though.....there are plenty of other ways for Daddy, and others, to bond with the baby.</li>
<li><strong>Breastfeeding Supplies Cost A Lot Of Money, You need certain "stuff" to make breastfeeding work</strong>- Breastfeeding is pretty simple, 95% of the time, all you need is mom's breast and baby. Seriously! So you are going back to work- you may want to purchase a pump, but I had a friend who found hand expression worked better then her pump. Boppy- yes they are nice, but not necessary at all. In fact, after about 2 months, I hated using the boppy while nursing my son. It was just an extra thing I had to worry about. Nursing clothes- NOPE- I, as well as many other mamas I know, just lifted my shirt up and if I was worried about my belly showing- I wore a cami under the shirt I pulled down. Ointments- NOT NEEDED! Breastmilk is better for your nipples than lanolin cream. Just hand express and rub it in.</li>
<li><strong>Formula fed babies sleep through the night sooner</strong>- <a href="http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html">Dr Jay Gordon</a>, in his article on night weaning, as well as many other pediatricians and health experts, have found that until 1 year in age, MOST children will need to wake at night for nourishment. I have had several friends go to formula hoping to get more sleep, only to find they get less sleep. Not only do they have to feed baby, they have to wake to make a bottle. Also, <a href="http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/818223/Breastfeeding-moms-get-more-sleep-at-night">studies have shown breastfeeding moms get as much or MORE</a> rest then formula feeding moms. Many of my friends have weaned hoping their children would sleep better- only to find that it makes no change in their sleep schedule.</li>
<li><strong>Breast is Best</strong>- I have addressed this before, but I would like to really look at this now. Breast is not BEST it is NORMAL! You know who wants us using the term Breast is Best- FORMULA COMPANIES! You know why- Think about this....Organic is best! That also makes you think organic is for those with a higher status. But non-organic is healthy too. I am not using this analogy to start a debate on organic vs non-organic. Just think about the mind set- BEST means only the best should get it, NORMAL means EVERYONE can and should be able to have/do/access an item. Breast is NORMAL!</li>
<li><strong>If it hurts-something is wrong</strong>- Those first few weeks may be painful. Even if your child has a perfect latch, there are no issues, etc. Of course, pain can be a sign of an issue and you should seek the help of a certified LC or medical professional to be sure everything is okay, but no that even if everything is "perfect" it can still hurt. If the pain is SEVERE- this is not normal, but some pain is.</li>
<li><strong>Breastfeeding moms can't go out, enjoy certain foods, or drink (aka lifestyle is prohibited)</strong>- This has really bugged me lately as I found out someone I know was choosing formula simply for this reason. I personally did not leave Lil Man for more than an hour or so until he was over 8 months of age, do not drink alcohol or go out and party....but those are personal choices and parenting choices I have made. <a href="http://www.kellymom.com/health/lifestyle/alcohol.html">A breastfeeding mom CAN drink now and then</a>. The rule is- if you are sober enough to drive, you can breastfeed. If you drink more- waiting for the alcohol to leave the body, or if you become engorged-pumping and dumping are some ways to keep the alcohol from reaching baby.Diet wise- yes, some babies have intolerances (mostly to high amounts of dairy), but in general, mom can eat most anything she wants. One of the wonderful things about breastmilk is how tailored it is to your baby's needs. Women around the world have different diets- but all can breastfeed and their babies get the nutrition needed to grow.</li>
<li><strong>The Perfect Latch, Feeding schedules</strong>- I have shared before how the breastfeeding class offered by my hospital focused so much on latch and baby eating every 2 hours that I thought this was a requirement. Later, I learned that newborns can eat ALL. THE. TIME. and this is perfectly normal. The 2 hour rule is actually based more on formula fed babies then breastfed ones. WHOA- sorry to go random thoughts on you- but that is another type of booby trap- the fact that we stress how formula fed babies eat less. Maybe instead, we should focus on why they eat less and the fact that it is because formula is not easily digested by their bodies and converted into the nutrients they need. The latch thing is a common reason women stop breastfeeding. Latch should be thought of like chopsticks- you don't have to use them properly as long as how you use them works for you! If baby is on and sucking, milk is flowing and you are not in extreme pain- there is no need to worry about having a "perfect" latch. In rare occasions there will be physical reasons that latch is bad and prohibits the breastfeeding relationship- but their is usually a solution to these issues. If you are concerned about lath- please seek help from a certified LC.</li>
</ol>I could probably go on and on with a list of booby-traps....But these are the ones I have heard most often. I have found that even the most well meaning sources will have booby traps.<br />
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Have you encountered any booby traps? If so what and how did you handle them?Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-54301965427908742302011-06-09T14:10:00.000-06:002011-06-09T14:10:12.857-06:00Why I Want YOU To BreastfeedI think some people get really annoyed with me. I am constantly posting links to breastfeeding articles on facebook. I ask expectant mothers over and over again what their plans are- breast or formula- and I am very outspoken about the child's right to breastfeed.<br />
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Other breastfeeding advocates probably think this is all wonderful! I do not bash formula feeding, but simply try to educate others around me. Still, I know there are plenty of moms- specifically those who never really considered breastfeeding- asking "What do you care? Why does it matter to you what/how I feed my baby?"<br />
This is a fair enough question. After all- it is not my child. I am <strong>not</strong> one of those parents who feels that just because a child gets formula means they will not be happy, healthy, smart children. In fact, formula helped nourish my own child.<br />
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Yet, I do care if others breastfeed. I really do- and there are several reasons why. Many are scientific, information based. Others are from my personal experience. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgccsn9FV5loOxg_ThiA2IAJ7vWj-20yEWsakZWvATy3lhWLeeUQKZFK7UWZAy6A6RzFw4_XP2jgEM8Wnu4SlqWkPx48DP3v1eTWQhu1Y0t4qEfH17YN-noC8L9b3Ozd-iu9Nr4hl3duT8_/s1600/breastfeedingart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgccsn9FV5loOxg_ThiA2IAJ7vWj-20yEWsakZWvATy3lhWLeeUQKZFK7UWZAy6A6RzFw4_XP2jgEM8Wnu4SlqWkPx48DP3v1eTWQhu1Y0t4qEfH17YN-noC8L9b3Ozd-iu9Nr4hl3duT8_/s1600/breastfeedingart.jpg" t8="true" /></a></div><br />
So to answer this question I am sure many moms are wondering- here is a list of reasons why I want YOU to breastfeed. There are too many to list- but here are some of my top reasons.<br />
<ul><li>Breast is not best- it is NORMAL! Breastfeeding is the natural way to nourish your child. Our society- however, does not look at breastfeeding this way, and until more women breastfeed, this will not change. So yes, I want YOU to breastfeed so when I am blessed with another child and I breastfeed, it will not seem to be an abnormal act to others around me.</li>
<li>So that your child can have the perfect nourishment. Formula is NOT poison- let me just get that point across. It is necessary for some circumstances- but no matter what that commercial, pamphlet, or sample can of formula says- it CAN NOT duplicate breastmilk. NOT EVEN CLOSE! Breastmilk is amazing stuff. <a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100419132403.htm">IT CURES CANCER</a>!!!! It can treat pink eye, burns, and so much more! Can you imagine all that healing power, plus nourishment that is <a href="http://www.breastfeeding-mom.com/composition-of-breast-milk.html">tailored specifically for your baby</a> at their age/stage. No matter what the big formula companies want you to believe- they can not do as good a job of this as your body can</li>
<li>I want to SAVE YOU MONEY! I love saving money. I am a crazy couponer. I bargain shop, I watch for great deals to have vacations, etc. And I LOVE saving other people money. So I want you to choose breastfeeding to save you money. Breastfeeding is FREE! You need no equipment. Sure, if you plan to return to work, at some point you may need a pump (hand expression is a FREE option) and you will need something to store milk and feed the baby....BUT not as much as if you formula feed. Formula costs can run close to $100/month or so. Even using generic brands and coupons you still spend around $60 a month on formula. Bottles wear down/out faster if they are the only source to put the food in baby's mouth. Then add on the time and cost to wash bottles. Don't forget that formula fed babies are more susceptible to colic, ear infections, and more (this does not mean your baby will have these issues if you formula feed, but there is a higher chance of it happening). You get WIC? They will pay for formula? Here is a little tidbit I have found- If you choose to formula feed- Mom does not get as much Grocery allowance during that first year. Often times the amount of formula provided by WIC is not enough to meet the baby's needs. Finally, when your child starts solids- most WIC programs provide more baby food to breastfed babies then to formula fed babies. So breastfeeding- even when on WIC is a cheaper choice.</li>
<li>I want you to learn how AMAZING your body is. Through my breastfeeding experience, speaking with other breastfeeding moms, and all of my research into breastfeeding- I have learned to appreciate my body more than I ever thought possible. Women are amazing! The fact that we are able to nourish our babies for 9 months in the womb, and then continue to provide 100% of the nourishment that they need for the first year or more (before age one solids are just for fun) is truly a miracle! You will learn to love your body and appreciate how amazing it is every time you bring your little one to your breast.</li>
<li>The benefits are endless- you, my friend, are less likely to get ovarian cancer if you breastfeed. Your healing time is faster after birth when you breastfeed. I LOVE you- otherwise I wouldn't care about these benefits and be urging you to consider breastfeeding! I want you to have all these miraculous benefits.</li>
<li>The sense of accomplishment- I thought about putting the bonding experience- but I will be honest- not every mother LOVES breastfeeding- and those that do, certainly do not love it 100% of the time. But, even if you do not have the wonderful, warm feeling moms talk about- there is something you will have- a sense of accomplishment. I felt it when I hit that magic 8 week mark. The one where breastfeeding finally clicked for both Lil Man and I and I was so proud of myself for not quitting all those times I felt like it. The sense of pride you get when you are "awarded" your "bronze boobies" for hitting the 3 month mark. The fact that you stuck with it, even when it was hard, you were tired, and all you wanted was to just not feel like a giant cow/pacifier (see my post on <a href="http://mybreastthoughts.blogspot.com/2011/05/pacifier.html">why these thoughts are bad here</a>)- you will feel so PROUD of yourself, and your little one, for making it to these milestones.</li>
</ul>So there you have it- I care if you breastfeed. Not just because I think formula is un-natural. Not just because I am a crazy breastfeeding advocate- but because I truly care about you and your baby.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-105432855532048562011-06-03T13:03:00.000-06:002011-06-03T13:03:57.577-06:00Dos and Don'tsI am busy packing up and moving! Yes- we are moving to a bigger place with a better layout for our family. Lil Man is ready to move into his own room/bed and we found a place where our bedrooms are close enough that we don't have to trek across our entire home between rooms. It also has more space for Lil Man to run free!<br />
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So, to tide over the blog- I thought I would post a few links for you.<br />
As Breastfeeding advocates we make a powerful impact on other moms. Powerful does not always mean positive. The way we approach breastfeeding and formula feeding, etc- just like all other parenting decisions- can either help educate and support, or it can completely disgust and discourage others from our cause.<br />
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Check out <a href="http://justwestofcrunchy.com/2011/05/27/top-10-things-breastfeeding-advocates-should-stop-saying/">10 THINGS BREASTFEEDING ADVOCATES SHOULD STOP SAYING</a> here.<br />
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And then check out the <a href="http://justwestofcrunchy.com/2011/05/28/to-10-things-breastfeeding-advocates-should-say/">10 THINGS BREASTFEEDING ADVOCATES SHOULD SAY</a> here.<br />
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Are there any things you would add to the lists?Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-74003352943330958152011-05-20T10:26:00.000-06:002011-05-20T10:26:22.993-06:00One Year LaterWhat a difference a year makes! I hope you enjoyed the guest post by Wiski! She is an amazing woman and a true inspiration! She got through a lot of obstacles and was able to EBF while working full time for a full year. Her baby never had to have formula! That is a wonderful accomplishment.<br />
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Today is Lil Man's first birth day. He has changed so much and I am a bit teary eyed looking back on it all.<br />
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Recently, I have been able to talk, online and in person, with a lot of moms who are expecting. Many are just like me a year ago- planning on breastfeeding, but unsure of their bodies ability to accomplish this huge task of continuing to nourish their child outside of their womb.<br />
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It has really made me think. One year later, I know so much more than I did when I was in the hospital, giving birth to my son. For starters- I have learned that society is full of contradictions. Breastfeed, but have free formula samples. Nurse in public- but only with a cover. Or even, nurse in public- but if you use a cover you are ashamed.<br />
Another thing I have noticed, is we tend to over think things. I remember taking the breastfeeding class and so much emphasis being put on proper latch. Honestly- none of the stuff about latch, and positioning, helped me after my son was born. All it made me do was over think his latch instead of focusing on the milk flowing and the bonding time. Granted- latch is important- I don't want to downplay that- but it is like chopsticks- most people don't use them correctly- but as long as you are using them in a way that works for you- that is all that matters. Holding a doll in a position to practice was completely different than holding my baby. None of that clicked. Their were good parts of the class, don't get me wrong, but I think these items were over emphasized and that is part of the reason so many moms give up on breastfeeding because of a "bad latch."<br />
The biggest thing I have realized though, is that we as women, need to have more confidence in our bodies. We are MADE to do this- to feed our children. When we start out assuming we will have issues, it leaves us more open to falling for all the booby traps that are out there- slow weight gain, "low" supply (that is actually not low), and so much more. When we let nurses and doctors tell us that comforting a child at the breast is wrong, that nursing 24/7 is uncommon, and we buy into it- it is because we are doubting our roles as mothers and women. We are questioning our bodies.<br />
I went into the hospital worried about supply. I had read somewhere that 1/3 of women with PCOS suffer from low supply. But that is not what I had read....later, I re-read the article. It was 1/3 of women with PCOS (in THIS study) REPORTED having low supply. That does not mean they actually had it, that it was caused by PCOS rather than other issues, or why they believed they had low supply. I later read an article that said only 8% of women with PCOS were actually diagnosed with low supply....but by that time, I had already fallen into the booby traps early on, and they did effect my supply.<br />
I get it- we don't want to make women feel bad for combo feeding- and we shouldn't. I combo fed my son for 9 1/2 months. I felt guilt for the longest time that he was not EBF. I would never want any mom to feel guilt for that. After all, you are still providing the benefits of breastmilk and nursing to your child. However, there is a big difference between not making a mother feel guilty and helping her be set up to succeed.<br />
When we start off telling a mother not to worry about EBF BEFORE her child is born, before she knows if she has supply issues, we are also playing into that mind-set that her body can not do this. We are telling her that it is ok and normal for her not to be able to do it....In other words, we are telling her that only the most exceptional women are able to exclusively breastfeed, and unless she is such, she needs to be prepared to give supplemental formula.<br />
If I had the confidence before hand that my body was made to do this- I would have been ready to handle those booby traps I faced- pacifiers, "acceptable" weight gain, how often I nursed, etc. I didn't have that confidence though. I went in questioning it. I was a first time mom, worried about making sure my baby got the nourishment he needed, and knowing that my body already was not "natural" from infertility, felt that meant I would fail at this part of becoming a mother as well.<br />
I am much wiser now. Educated by those who want me to succeed, and not just from random google searches that brought up articles on how I may fail. Fact based research has made me more confident that my next child will be EBF. I also have the confidence in my body. Even though I felt it failed this time, I see where the booby traps played a huge roll in this and understand now that I underestimated myself. You don't have to be exceptional to breastfeed....you just have to believe in yourself and your body.<br />
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Now- before anybody thinks I am saying supply issues are not real- I understand they are real. I do. However, I think women are quick to assume it is their supply, and then fall into booby traps that actually DO diminish their supply. I think often times we want everything to go so naturally that when they don't we assume that our bodies have failed us. Most of the time this is not the case. But supply issues are real. However, unless an LC or OB has helped to diagnose that your supply truly is low- it shoould not be assumed.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-45091948432491397762011-05-18T21:44:00.002-06:002011-05-18T21:45:14.414-06:00Saying Goodbye to my Pump...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My baby turned one yesterday. I've heard countless times mom's exclaim with sadness "boy, time sure flies!" I've been here before, I know how fast time moves...I get it...I do, or rather I’m trying to…<br />
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But really, I've never been in these exact shoes before. With Irelyn I exclusively pumped and at 11ish months of pumping pretty much around the clock I just couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't bring myself to hook myself up to that machine. I was sick of the ball and chain, it was time for me to stop and I did so with a smile.<br />
<br />
I’m in a new unfamiliar situation and I’m not quite sure how to manage my next step. I know she likes cow’s milk…but will she LOVE it so much that she won’t need me any longer? My old fears of bottle preference bubble to the top and in the back of my head I wonder if working full time and being away during the day is going to damage our breastfeeding relationship. <br />
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And as crazy as it sounds, will I miss pumping? Sure, it’s a pain in the butt, sure I don’t enjoy it…but let’s be completely honest here, I know that a small part of me is going to miss it. I carried Ellie for 40 weeks, I’ve nurtured her exclusively with my milk and now during the day she’ll be getting something else…something not of my making. For many moms I know this isn’t a big deal, in fact most moms think it’s both commendable and crazy that I’ve pumped for a year, most moms would argue I’ve “done enough”. I carry the WOHM guilt and I doubt I will never feel as though I’ve done enough. I hold myself to too high of a standard and my perfectionist tendencies have a tendency to contribute to feelings of anxiety.<br />
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My plan with Ellie has been to stop pumping at work during the day once she turned one. In preparation of this momentous event I dropped a pumping session two weeks ago. My last pumping session at work was on Monday. By the time I got home yesterday I was feeling quite engorged. I nursed Ellie for a quick snack and still needed relief. I pulled out my trusty Medela PISA and as much as I hate the pump the relief it offered was near orgasmic. I anticipate I will pump a bit again when I get home to take the edge off.<br />
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Weaning from the pump this time is totally different. With Irelyn I stopped pumping and I stopped lactating. With Ellie I will still continue to nurse. I feel as though I’m walking a tight rope of sorts and everything is new…different…and I don’t have a stack of experience under my belt to guide my way…I’m playing it by ear, following my body and going with my gut. If anything I’ve learned from breastfeeding it’s been to follow my intuition. It hasn’t failed me yet!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://s410.photobucket.com/albums/pp181/oct1301_photos/?action=view&current=Blogsiggy.png"><img border="0" src="http://i410.photobucket.com/albums/pp181/oct1301_photos/Blogsiggy.png" /></a></span>Wiskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12422219016584078047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-53737087764328231562011-05-08T09:13:00.000-06:002011-05-08T09:13:36.921-06:00Happy Mother's DayI used to look up obscure holidays to celebrate instead of Mother's Day. Like today- May 8th- is No Socks and Have a Coke Day! <br />
This is my first Mother's Day as an actual mom and it feels a bit strange to not be avoiding this day.......<br />
<br />
Today I am enjoying some extra snuggles with Lil Man, going to visit my WONDERFUL mother, and just enjoying time with family.<br />
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I hope all of you get to enjoy some quality time with your loved ones. <br />
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HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-90176191614566973922011-05-03T01:39:00.001-06:002011-05-03T01:40:43.425-06:00Pacifier<em>(Taken from part of a private email)</em><br />
<br />
<em>"I told the LC that I felt like a human pacifier. She told me never to say that again. She said I am a mother. Mothers are made to comfort their child. For newborns- that includes comforting them at the breast. She told me that pacifiers were made to replace the mother's breast. NOT the other way around."</em><br />
<br />
<br />
When my friend and I emailed and she wrote this to me- I thought how when we are breastfeeding and/or pumping mothers- we often be-little our role. We call ourselves a human pacifier. Compare ourselves to a cow. I even joked once, while pumping, that I was "Checking in at the dairy farm" to Disney Daddy.<br />
After reading this email from my friend- I have started to see how negative an effect these comments have. Why do we replace our titles of mother, comforter, nourisher with pacifier and cow? <br />
<br />
Before pacifiers were invented- the breast was what a newborn was given for comfort. It is part of being a mother- to comfort your child. <br />
So next time you sit and think "I am a human pacifier" or feel like a dairy cow while pumping- please try and remember the words this LC said. You are a mother- doing what mothers were made to do.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-17674662832749796112011-04-25T16:52:00.006-06:002011-04-26T00:00:25.502-06:00Relax and It Will Happen-Or Will ItI guess I felt like I wasn't really a woman. Like something was broken inside me. After all, this should come easily to a woman- shouldn't it? Maybe if I didn't stress so much. Maybe if I would just relax- it would happen. At least that is what people keep telling me.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Y-win6kIHpDFg0n2UMP6YxMG6kjW8v10mvDbg6BBzXpKPTNTUkd7fdRWIiNYi28UKnzfU_vJqr9Yh4YogwM4PUYHvemw2ud3m7OQTsqmO1l9A_K7ttvuqOQAP_K5AlmnTG3fKdawGhyphenhyphenI/s1600/Infertility+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Y-win6kIHpDFg0n2UMP6YxMG6kjW8v10mvDbg6BBzXpKPTNTUkd7fdRWIiNYi28UKnzfU_vJqr9Yh4YogwM4PUYHvemw2ud3m7OQTsqmO1l9A_K7ttvuqOQAP_K5AlmnTG3fKdawGhyphenhyphenI/s320/Infertility+5.jpg" width="214" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>I remember being in tears. The man speaking at the pulpit asked all the mothers to stand. Then, as an after thought "Will all the want to be mothers stand as well" came out of his mouth. I think he realized how that sounded, and quickly changed his wording to "Women 18 and older- mothers in training." It was too late, the damage was done. As the teenagers in the group passed our flowers to the women who were standing, I sat there, tears streaming down my face. My poor husband was unsure how to comfort me. He put his arm around me and pulled me in close.<br />
One of the young women handing out flowers, brings me one and said "He said mothers-in-training." I accept it, but still refuse to stand.<br />
That was the last time I attended church on Mother's Day.<br />
Why was this so hard for me? This is what we are supposed to do. Especially in our "culture" (religion). We get married and start a family. But it didn't come so naturally to me.<br />
Disney Daddy and I struggled with infertility for nearly 8 years before we found out that Lil Man was on the way. From the time we were married we never tried to avoid pregnancy. We were thinking we would just let it happen when it was time. But then the years passed, and we didn't get pregnant. After two and a half years we sought out medical help. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHtnJHpzh4lI8FDz9g1pfimFyIiDs-huIFHcaB7PQOqtOYe99B7-LwpSCDShGoog9K8xbCZav-TlsDYEoxenMAOC5QW3yVZeeopDoQ0MESgYgjQCYP5O4JcjTgQw9nSnADINE8v6dNFs77/s1600/infertility+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="85" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHtnJHpzh4lI8FDz9g1pfimFyIiDs-huIFHcaB7PQOqtOYe99B7-LwpSCDShGoog9K8xbCZav-TlsDYEoxenMAOC5QW3yVZeeopDoQ0MESgYgjQCYP5O4JcjTgQw9nSnADINE8v6dNFs77/s200/infertility+2.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>We were blessed to have a happy ending. However, we do not know if our struggle is over. We hope to have more children. Fertility may or may not be an issue for us in the future, we are unsure.<br />
This year, I will attend church on Mother's Day without feeling sad, or depressed. But many other women will still have that pain in their heart.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So often, people trying to be supportive will say things like "Maybe you are meant to adopt" (as if we had not thought, pondered, and prayed about that option) or "Just relax and it will happen." For many, it is not that simple.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8AMF3qheDrbriEGEr8Cj5u-JiP6N7NFGmd6y77ZuX7i6pP2x0UTVAy92Lm2FH618ZNVgNcDXd2EXXDtC6QDz25vTLaN0E6Rv0RCyL2aGOHyLI_VnWBaNONOBhRra_Mbs1NM4Di60KYJpR/s1600/Infertility+4.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="26" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8AMF3qheDrbriEGEr8Cj5u-JiP6N7NFGmd6y77ZuX7i6pP2x0UTVAy92Lm2FH618ZNVgNcDXd2EXXDtC6QDz25vTLaN0E6Rv0RCyL2aGOHyLI_VnWBaNONOBhRra_Mbs1NM4Di60KYJpR/s200/Infertility+4.gif" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>It is estimated that over <a href="http://www.infertilityrelief.com/infertility-statistics/">7.3 million women</a> in the United States suffer some form of infertility. <a href="http://www.ferringfertility.com/infertility/">1 in 8</a> couples. Fertility treatments are costly, both financially and emotionally. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKjtm3wScJyCZsHAP1gwRueNpG3DQzbmCG0S0yrprlkhwo520Qzh9Nypq9gn7Dh4yDtWUCDKUKl6MpZ0c9sVTGWXiF-cL3YSFIf0kDxTNRDAwJqaHvSAedRPk3pG-pkEUEPA3H4fJM8KSa/s1600/Infertility+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKjtm3wScJyCZsHAP1gwRueNpG3DQzbmCG0S0yrprlkhwo520Qzh9Nypq9gn7Dh4yDtWUCDKUKl6MpZ0c9sVTGWXiF-cL3YSFIf0kDxTNRDAwJqaHvSAedRPk3pG-pkEUEPA3H4fJM8KSa/s200/Infertility+1.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>Support and friendship are the greatest gifts you can give someone struggling with infertility.<br />
I have always been open about my journey trying to conceive. It has blessed me with many friends, but has also opened my eyes to how ashamed many people are of this struggle. It is something they feel they can not talk about. Like breastfeeding- it is something women think should just come naturally, and if it doesn't, it can be heartbreaking.<br />
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Please, take a moment to find a way to support those women who struggle with the longing for a child on a daily basis. Understand that they need to be heard and to have someone to be there for them. There are many <a href="http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/bust-a-myth.html">myths out there about infertility</a> as well. Educate yourself, support others, and share your experience and knowledge. I know that I have had a happy ending- but I will always remain passionate about Infertility Awareness. No matter how many babies I have, I will never forget the pain of infertility.<br />
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Visit <a href="http://www.resolve.org/infertility101">www.resolve.org/infertility101</a> for more information regarding infertility basics.<br />
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Learn more about National Infertility Awareness Week at <a href="http://www.resolve.org/takecharge">www.resolve.org/takecharge</a>Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-48573276484884574192011-04-25T11:15:00.000-06:002011-04-25T11:15:06.467-06:00ApologyI am sorry. Sorry that the blog has been slow the last couple weeks. Lil Man became really sick, and we even ended up in the hospital for a few days. <br />
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I promise that things will pick up soon. I have even contacted a few people to come over and guest post. I just wanted to check in and let everyone know that I am sorry for the lack of activity and give an explanation.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-83718003857207072932011-04-14T13:10:00.000-06:002011-04-14T13:10:47.557-06:00Happy Blogiversary TO.....<a href="http://www.theleakyboob.com/">The Leaky Boob</a>! It is a little late, but The Leaky Boob turned one recently. The leaky boob was an inspiration to me to start my own breastfeeding blog. While, I didn't start this blog in order to become like The Leaky Boob, it was an inspiration to me to go ahead and put myself out there when it came to my views on breastfeeding and parenting. That I had a right to my opinion, to want to share, support and educate.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996599418184563451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8616030612151183038.post-65263889842728168332011-04-12T06:42:00.001-06:002011-04-12T06:42:48.531-06:00My Little Biter<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 16px; line-height: 21px;"> When you ask a group of soon to be new mothers about their plans for breastfeeding, you will get a variety of answers, but one thing I have heard many times is that they plan to breastfeed...until the baby gets teeth. As if teeth and breastfeeding are mutually exclusive. Having teeth does not make it impossible to nurse, nor does it make breast milk less important, so why so many women believe that weaning when teeth come in is beyond me. I know most are nervous about biting. And I can tell you from my experience that biting while nursing not something I wish to happened again, but it is something that you can work through. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 16px; line-height: 21px;"> Peanut Boy started teething around Christmas time, and of course I was bombarded with comments about weaning him since he was going to have teeth. I didn't even consider it. I had made up my mind that I was going to continue nursing, even if he did bite me. Then he bit me. Now as you can imagine, this was a VERY unpleasant experience. One day we were nursing happily and all of the sudden he just chomps down on my very sensitive nipple and I yelp in pain. I had been given tons of advice about how to handle biting, but not much goes through your mind except to make it stop. So I pulled him off the breast and set him down and said "no biting". Then he screamed! He acted as if I had cause him some great pain, when it was him who had done the hurting! So I conceded and allowed him to nurse again, but again he bit me. This time I was finished! I put him down, told him no biting and we were done nursing. This time he just looked at me and smiled. I was so galled by that fact that he thought it was funny! The next time he wanted to nurse I was nervous and I told him no biting, then he latched and nursed nicely for a few minutes, and then he bit me again. This went on for about 2 weeks. Peanut boy bit me almost every time he nursed. I was at a loss about how to get him to stop. Every time he bit, I would end the nursing session and most of the time he would protest loudly and cry as if he was in pain, or he would look at me and smile. Because he was not nursing during the day as much as he should, we were nursing almost ALL night! This was making me insane, and I had not a clue about how to stop it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 16px; line-height: 21px;"> I continued with my routine of warning him not to bite before we nursed, then stopping when he did bite. Then one day he just didn't bite. It was as if he had FINALLY learned that biting equals no more milk! I was elated, but skeptical. It has been more than 2 weeks since the last time he really bit me. The moral of my little story is that biting does not have to mean the end of a nursing relationship. While it is not something I would like to go through again, it was not enough to make me stop nursing. Children are smart and they learn quickly what behaviors will get them what they want/need. And it may have taken a couple weeks for Peanut Boy to catch on, but now we are happily nursing once again and cautiously expecting the next round of teeth, which may or may not lead to another battle with biting. But I am ready for it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 16px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 16px; line-height: 21px;"> Stef</span><br />
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