Relax and It Will Happen-Or Will It

I guess I felt like I wasn't really a woman. Like something was broken inside me. After all, this should come easily to a woman- shouldn't it? Maybe if I didn't stress so much. Maybe if I would just relax- it would happen. At least that is what people keep telling me.

I remember being in tears. The man speaking at the pulpit asked all the mothers to stand. Then, as an after thought "Will all the want to be mothers stand as well" came out of his mouth. I think he realized how that sounded, and quickly changed his wording to "Women 18 and older- mothers in training." It was too late, the damage was done. As the teenagers in the group passed our flowers to the women who were standing, I sat there, tears streaming down my face. My poor husband was unsure how to comfort me. He put his arm around me and pulled me in close.
One of the young women handing out flowers, brings me one and said "He said mothers-in-training." I accept it, but still refuse to stand.
That was the last time I attended church on Mother's Day.
Why was this so hard for me? This is what we are supposed to do. Especially in our "culture" (religion). We get married and start a family. But it didn't come so naturally to me.
Disney Daddy and I struggled with infertility for nearly 8 years before we found out that Lil Man was on the way.  From the time we were married we never tried to avoid pregnancy. We were thinking we would just let it happen when it was time. But then the years passed, and we didn't get pregnant. After two and a half years we sought out medical help.

We were blessed to have a happy ending. However, we do not know if our struggle is over. We hope to have more children. Fertility may or may not be an issue for us in the future, we are unsure.
This year, I will attend church on Mother's Day without feeling sad, or depressed. But many other women will still have that pain in their heart.

So often, people trying to be supportive will say things like "Maybe you are meant to adopt" (as if we had not thought, pondered, and prayed about that option) or "Just relax and it will happen." For many, it is not that simple.

It is estimated that over 7.3 million women in the United States suffer some form of infertility. 1 in 8 couples. Fertility treatments are costly, both financially and emotionally.

Support and friendship are the greatest gifts you can give someone struggling with infertility.
I have always been open about my journey trying to conceive. It has blessed me with many friends, but has also opened my eyes to how ashamed many people are of this struggle. It is something they feel they can not talk about. Like breastfeeding- it is something women think should just come naturally, and if it doesn't, it can be heartbreaking.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Please, take a moment to find a way to support those women who struggle with the longing for a child on a daily basis. Understand that they need to be heard and to have someone to be there for them. There are many myths out there about infertility as well. Educate yourself, support others, and share your experience and knowledge. I know that I have had a happy ending- but I will always remain passionate about Infertility Awareness. No matter how many babies I have, I will never forget the pain of infertility.

Visit www.resolve.org/infertility101 for more information regarding infertility basics.

Learn more about National Infertility Awareness Week at www.resolve.org/takecharge

Apology

I am sorry. Sorry that the blog has been slow the last couple weeks. Lil Man became really sick, and we even ended up in the hospital for a few days.

I promise that things will pick up soon. I have even contacted a few people to come over and guest post. I just wanted to check in and let everyone know that I am sorry for the lack of activity and give an explanation.

Happy Blogiversary TO.....

The Leaky Boob! It is a little late, but The Leaky Boob turned one recently. The leaky boob was an inspiration to me to start my own breastfeeding blog. While, I didn't start this blog in order to become like The Leaky Boob, it was an inspiration to me to go ahead and put myself out there when it came to my views on breastfeeding and parenting. That I had a right to my opinion, to want to share, support and educate.

My Little Biter

          When you ask a group of soon to be new mothers about their plans for breastfeeding, you will get a variety of answers, but one thing I have heard many times is that they plan to breastfeed...until the baby gets teeth. As if teeth and breastfeeding are mutually exclusive. Having teeth does not make it impossible to nurse, nor does it make breast milk less important, so why so many women believe that weaning when teeth come in is beyond me. I know most are nervous about biting. And I can tell you from my experience that biting while nursing not something I wish to happened again, but it is something that you can work through. 
          Peanut Boy started teething around Christmas time, and of course I was bombarded with comments about weaning him since he was going to have teeth. I didn't even consider it. I had made up my mind that I was going to continue nursing, even if he did bite me. Then he bit me. Now as you can imagine, this was a VERY unpleasant experience. One day we were nursing happily and all of the sudden he just chomps down on my very sensitive nipple and I yelp in pain. I had been given tons of advice about how to handle biting, but not much goes through your mind except to make it stop. So I pulled him off the breast and set him down and said "no biting". Then he screamed! He acted as if I had cause him some great pain, when it was him who had done the hurting! So I conceded and allowed him to nurse again, but again he bit me. This time I was finished! I put him down, told him no biting and we were done nursing. This time he just looked at me and smiled. I was so galled by that fact that he thought it was funny! The next time he wanted to nurse I was nervous and I told him no biting, then he latched and nursed nicely for a few minutes, and then he bit me again. This went on for about 2 weeks. Peanut boy bit me almost every time he nursed. I was at a loss about how to get him to stop. Every time he bit, I would end the nursing session and most of the time he would protest loudly and cry as if he was in pain, or he would look at me and smile. Because he was not nursing during the day as much as he should, we were nursing almost ALL night! This was making me insane, and I had not a clue about how to stop it.
          I continued with my routine of warning him not to bite before we nursed, then stopping when he did bite. Then one day he just didn't bite. It was as if he had FINALLY learned that biting equals no more milk! I was elated, but skeptical. It has been more than 2 weeks since the last time he really bit me. The moral of my little story is that biting does not have to mean the end of a nursing relationship. While it is not something I would like to go through again, it was not enough to make me stop nursing. Children are smart and they learn quickly what behaviors will get them what they want/need. And it may have taken a couple weeks for Peanut Boy to catch on, but now we are happily nursing once again and cautiously expecting the next round of teeth, which may or may not lead to another battle with biting. But I am ready for it.


                 Stef

Guest Blogger Coming Soon

I am excited to have a new guest blogger coming to My Breast Thoughts. Stef from Real Life Mommyhood is a babywearing, breastfeeding mama who has gone through the biggest fear new nursing mothers have- a biting nursling- and she is STILL breastfeeding.
I am sad that Lil Man has weaned, but thankful that we had no "real" biting issues during our nursing relationship. He bit me once or twice, but nothing major, and prior to teeth....EXCEPT ONE TIME when he really clamped down. But that was it.
However, many moms really struggle with biting, and unfortunately, many mothers wean because of it. I am excited for her to come and share her experience- so be watching for her post, and in the mean time- go check out her blog.

Where Have I Been....

The family took a much needed vacation this last week. Well, kind of a vacation. Disney Daddy had to travel for work- and we tagged along, extended the time there, and made it a family vacation. We took Disney Daddy's niece, who we will call Smiles, and surprised her with DISNEYLAND!!!!! She was ecstatic.
This is part of the reason for the lack of posts.
Here is a picture with all of us and Pluto.

Lil Man was in LOVE with the characters- but ESPECIALLY Winnie the Pooh! He tried to climb into Pooh's arms. Luckily, the Disney Cast Member who offered to take our picture at Pooh's Corner saw this amazing moment and took plenty of pictures for us.


For those who don't know, I do a little photography on the side. I love being able to capture memories for others. Having Lil Man has changed how I take pictures. When you have a child this young there is no "posing" for pictures. It has taught me to capture the moments of every day life. I love this view through my lens.

Because of this, I am going to adopt a ritual from The Leaky Boob, who adopted it from Soule Mama. It is called In This Moment. A single picture- no words...although, I like words and will probably put a caption of some sort to remember place and time. I will normally do this on Friday, but I wanted to share this picture of Disney Daddy and Lil Man on Newport Beach last Monday.

In breastfeeding related news- I enjoyed walking around Disneyland, and I really enjoyed watching mothers with small children being nursed. I rarely saw children with bottles, and saw TONS being breastfed. Many moms used covers, a few did not. I just wanted to tell each of them good job!

The most exciting thing though, was meeting up with Wiski. Wiski has become a good online friend of mine, and it was wonderful to meet her in real life. Her daughter is only 3 day's older than Lil Man.  It was cute to see them play together. I would love to post a picture- and maybe I will- if Wiski gives her approval. I hope Wiski will be able to contribute to the blog again soon. If you missed Wiski's first post- check it out HERE. She is amazing and exclusively pumped for her first daughter.