3 short months after getting married my Husband and I were surprised with a positive pregnancy test and in July of 2005 we were blessed with our first little girl. Being raised in a Latin family and married to a Latin man it was just automatically assumed I would breastfeed and I knew I would. There was no doubt about it. I didn't take any of the classes or read any books, I just pretty much thought everything was supposed to come NATURALLY. I had no idea that it would be soo hard, hurt, and that making milk was NOT EASY.
When "A" was born she had the cord wrapped around her neck which caused some breathing issues. She was rushed to the NICU and I didn't see her again until 4 1/2 hours later. During those hours they gave her a pacifier. When she was finally brought to me she was STARVING and all I was told was "she's pretty hungry" and the nurse left. I looked at my husband and all he said was "well feed her." 45 minutes later, after tears, blood and bright red nipples the same nurse came in and asked how we were doing. I lied told her fine and let her take "A" to the nursery for some tests. 30 minutes later she came back and asked if they could give the baby a bottle because she was acting hungry again, feeling like I had failed I told the nurse yes because I didn't want my child starving. "A" was pretty smart and picked up fairly quickly that the bottle was way easier than the breast. So for 5 months I fought with her to breast feed, 5 months of tears and always coming to the end result of her getting a bottle. I finally gave up and "A" was FF until she turned one. I felt like a failure as a mother and I swore that with my next child I would breast feed no matter what.
After 15 months of trying for our second we were finally blessed in May of 2009 with our second little girl. Through my whole pregnancy I stressed about being able to BF and when "B" was born it came super easy. She latched on right away no issues whatsoever. I loved it. She was a good eater and definitely loved BFing. Unfortunately with "B" I had to go back to work. I stressed about that, I hated thinking she was going to have to get a bottle. She had gone 2 whole months without it. "B" transitioned fine back and forth from bottle to breast. I bought the highest recommended pump and off I went back to work. Working for a popular baby retail store I thought I would easily be able to pump. Unfortunately my job wasn't that good about giving me my breaks to pump and I started to stress. My supply was going down and "B" had gotten her first formula bottle at 5 months. I felt like I was failing. I thought I have to get her to at least 6 months. I was so stressed at work that it caused me to have to start combo feeding. During that same time I got extremely sick. My supply went down to "B" getting maybe 4 oz a day from me and the rest was formula. I called my LC and asked her what I could do and she told me to get on fenugreek. It helped me get my supply back up a bit but not enough to not combo feed. At 8 months "B" got some teeth in and started biting me. Not being at home and not knowing how to get her to stop biting I stopped BFing and exclusively pumped. Unfortunately for me I didn't succeed because of my job not supporting me. It got in the way of me properly feeding my child and at 8 almost 9 months "B" got the last of my mommy milk and was FF until she turned one.
Looking back now I know that I did the best I could for both of my girls. They are both happy and healthy. If I had received the support and the proper knowledge I have and know now, I believe "B" would have been BF'd until she weaned herself off. I know with my next child I will BF and I will do it until the baby decides she/he is done. Until then I'll enjoy being mommy to two beautiful girls.