Don't Label Me!

I recently have decided one of the biggest disservices we do to ourselves is labeling our style of parenting.
I was all happy, thinking I leaned towards the AP (attachment parenting) kind of parenting. I co-sleep, breastfed (until recently), baby-wear, do baby-led weaning/solids, do not use CIO, and more. I knew two of my choices were not in line with "that kind of parenting"- and they had to do with vaxing and circumcision.
Well, I recently was shocked when I read a comment somewhere. The discussion was regarding how to turn down toys you don't agree with. Original poster does not do plastic toys or trademarked toys in the home. Good for her! Plastic is for eco-friendly reasons, trademarked....well there are many reasons- money, etc.
I was shocked when several replies basically said ANYBODY who has even one plastic toy in their home is a "mainstream parent."
A mainstream parent is typically noted as someone who does not co-sleep, uses CIO, early solids- starting with baby food, circs, vaxes, and while they may breastfeed, they are typically considered "less passionate" about it. They prefer strollers and disposable diapers.
I never felt I fell into the "mainstream" category. Of course- I never felt like I was an actual AP parent either....yet, this discussion really got me thinking.
Is it not enough that we already label each other by how we feed our babies (see the part of my last post on why we should drop the labels of formula feeding and breastfeeding)? Suddenly we label how we parent...but on top of that if you are not 100% in one category then you are labeled as the other?
We parent. That is it. We parent the way that works out best for us and our children and our life. Natural Parenting, Attachment Parenting, Mainstream Parenting, whatever you want to call it- it is parenting.
I must admit- the conversation under this post left me unsettled. I didn't feel I wanted to be a part of this community anymore...because I don't fit the description that those moms have decided is an "AP parent" and yet, I don't want to be categorized as "mainstream."
The labels we place on parenting lead to negative views. When people think of AP parents, they imagine hippies bedsharing with their 17 year old son, homeschooling their children, teaching them how "the man" is doing them wrong....but what of my AP parent friends who move their child to their own bed at 12-18 months, are military families, and send their children to a community school, yet they wear their children, eat organic, delay vax, cloth diaper, and remove as many toxins from their home as possible?
So, I find that the AP parents don't want to claim me because of a handful of parenting choices I have made, and the mainstreamers don't want to claim me because of another handful of choices. Each labels me as the other, and disregards anything I may have to say about parenting because I am not in their "category" of parenting....

So here I am- stuck in the middle. The middle isn't so bad. I get to see both sides of every argument. I get to remember that if I choose the right topic, I can agree with any mother on her choices for parenting. Yeah, the middle is not such a bad place. You can agree with me, disagree with me...but please- Don't label me!

Remaining Passionate and Supportive After Weaning

I want to start off by apologizing for the lack of posts recently. My personal life has kept me quite busy recently. I hope to pick back up on posting some now that Lil Man is sleeping better! HOORAY!

I have finally come to peace with the fact that Lil Man is weaned. However, a friend (and I use that term loosely) made the comment "I am glad you weaned because now you won't share breastfeeding stuff on facebook."
WRONG!!!!
Just because I am not currently breastfeeding does not mean I will not remain passionate about it. It does not mean I will no longer lend support to those who are breastfeeding and could use some help. Breastfeeding is still a passion of mine. I will ALWAYS encourage mothers to breastfeed, support them in their journey, and try to put a realistic perception to breastfeeding.
I have been moved recently that two different friends have come to me recently. Both were not able to breastfeed for very long due to medical issues that interfered with the breastfeeding relationship during the critical first months. However, both are currently supporting friends or family to breastfeed, or pump, and give that benefit to their babies. They truly are amazing women!
This is how it should be. Those who formula feed, combo feed, wean early, and such should be able to know where to get information, and encourage breastfeeding mothers. Those who breastfeed should be able to lean on ANY MOTHER for support. They should not have to seek out only those who have breastfed.
When those who choose to use formula are not supportive and encouraging of breastfeeding, it is the exact same thing as breastfeeders who tear down formula feeding mothers. We need to just be supportive of each other, accept each others choices, and do anything we can to help mothers achieve their choice.
Some ways that those of us who have weaned or gone to formula may discourage breastfeeding moms without realizing it our making comments like

• I weaned my daughter and she started sleeping through the night. (Formula feeding does not guarantee a child will sleep through the night.)
• Now that I use formula, I can have a day away from the baby. (Which a breastfeeding mom can do by pumping, or even supplementing)
• Since I formula feed, I can feed my baby anywhere. (So can a breastfeeding mother- without having to prepare a bottle)

If you have weaned- switching to formula- think about words that you choose. While you may not think the things you say are discouraging to breastfeeders, they often are...and they are often not completely true.

Some ways moms (no matter what substance you feed your child) can help encourage other moms are

• To be educated on both formula and breastmilk.
• Understand what the mother's choice is. Support it.
• Remember that breastfeeding mothers have hard days, don't do the standard "You have made it this far. That is good. It is okay to switch to formula" until the mother has clearly made up her mind. I am thankful that on some of my hardest days I had people encourage me to keep at it. Otherwise, I may never have made it past 3 months.
• Know where to get answers. Breastfeeding comes with a lot of questions and obstacles. There are great resources out there. A great online resource is http://www.kellymom.com/ 
• DO NOT tear down another mother- no matter what substance she feeds her child
• Talk openly about breastfeeding - even if YOU don't breastfeed
• Understand that it is natural for a child to nurse into toddlerhood and that being able to ask to nurse is no different than a baby saying "baba" for bottle
• Be understanding and supportive of a mother who chooses to wean (after she has decided), even if it is before a year. 
• Remember that we are all mothers. Support each other, even if you make different parenting choices.

It is time that we stop tearing each other down and we start supporting each other.

Disney Daddy- The Actavist

Well, Disney Daddy is somewhat a career student. He is currently working on his 2nd 4 year degree.

In his English Composition class, they had the assignment to pick a cause to write an argumentive/persuasive essay/letter about, but the teacher didn't want the same causes she gets over and over (gun control, legalizing marijuana, etc). She wanted them to think outside the box. Well, I am a little proud of Disney Daddy for picking something mos males would not. He chose Maternity Leave as a topic!  He is for paid maternity leave. It is amazing that 163 countries offer some form of paid maternity leave (this could be higher since this article was released), and yet the United States does not require any form of maternity leave....Sure, there is the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). However, small businesses are not required to follow this, and it is not required that it be paid. It also is only 12 weeks. Many countries allow mothers 6 months to one year of maternity leave.

      One point that Disney Daddy made in his paper- the effect the lack of maternity leave plays with breastfeeding, and thus health care. I was so proud of him! He pointed out the burden a breastfeeding mother has when returning to work...having to purchase a pump, bottles, storage bags, take breaks (unpaid) to pump, hope the care giver understands how to properly heat the breastmilk, hoping the child does not develop a bottle preference, and more.

      Of course, this was just one of his many points. He also explained financial burden, the bonding time needed, and so forth. But I was very proud that he included breastfeeding as one of his major points. GO DISNEY DADDY!

How Long Before Baby Gets Benefits From Breastfeeding

A few days ago, a friend on facebook, asked what people thought about colostrum products for infants. My reply: "Hmm...other than colostrum from breastfeeding, I have never given it much thought. Interesting." She asked what I meant- "colostrum from breastfeeding? If you breastfeed a baby gets colostrum?" WHAT A GREAT TEACHING MOMENT. I told her yes, it as the first substance a baby gets, while waiting for the milk to come in, and it is packed full of antibodies and nutrients. I linked a few sites for her. I believe this mom breastfed, but she didn't realize that colostrum was given to her children the first few days after birth!

It got me thinking- often times, a mother feels if she can't keep breastfeeding past X amount of time- then there are no benefits. EVEN LATCHING YOUR INFANT ON ONE TIME GIVES HIM/HER SOME OF TE BENEFITS OF BREASTFEEDING.

Here is a great article regarding the benefits given for the different lengths of time.

So, if you wee not able to breastfeed as long as you hoped, remember you still gave your baby a great gift. This is important for me. I had planned on nursing Lil Man until h self weaned- hopefully at least 18 months. That goal later became a year. Unfortunately, this last week, my son has fully weaned. I was still nursing at night, and he started mostly sleeping through the night. After five nights of not waking, he woke, needing something to eat. When I tried to get him to latch, he looked at me with an utterly confused face as to why I was sticking my breast in face.
I wish I had known when our last nursing session would have been. Maybe I would have cherished a little more instead of grumbling about how he was waking at 2 am, yet again.
I am proud of making it to 9 1/2 months. I am trying to not have regrets. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had. I am better prepared for my next child and hope that I will be able to breastfeed my next child as long as he or she wants.

Something To Think About

Can you imagine if cows were as hung up about nursing as some humans are?

Breastfeeding is natural.

Cows drink cow milk, horses drink horse milk

HUMAN BABIES ARE MADE TO DRINK HUMAN MILK!

Just Call Him-

Disney Daddy

Hubby said that no matter what the vote was- this was his favorite! Although- I did try and get him to go for Captain Obvious because he is always saying things that are very, well, obvious.

So, We now have Disney Daddy (my hubby) and Lil Man (my darling son).

Five Ways Advocates Sabotage The Cause

Sometimes in our effort to encourage and promote, we end up doing more harm then good. This is especially true when trying to promote breastfeeding and its acceptance. I have found that often times, advocates, myself included, end up sabotaging the very cause that we are trying to promote. Here are the top 5 ways that I believe breastfeeding advocates sabotage the cause.

1. We treat everyone with breastfeeding obstacles as uneducated, over-analytical, or lazy. When a woman comments on a breastfeeding forum about issues she is having, it is amazing to me how much people simply "write off" her problem as being uneducated. Often being told that if she would nurse more, worry less, or just stop supplementing (if she is supplementing) than her issues would magically go away. When we do this, we a) make the woman feel bad about herself and her abilities and b) send the message that we do not believe her problems are real and that she is looking for a reason to stop breastfeeding.
2. We talk about breastfeeding ALL the time, including to those who are not interested. As much as we want every woman to breastfeed, it is her choice. While we like to look at it as the child's right to breastmilk, their are reasons a mother may find that formula is better for her child. I myself am guilty of talking about breastfeeding to the point of alienating some formula moms. Not on purpose...I didn't push it on them, but they felt I was TOO PASSIONATE about breastfeeding, and there for, became annoyed, thought I was judging them, or what not...and unfortunately, I have lost contact with a few people because of it.
3. We judge other breastfeeding mothers. Some examples are a photo being posted on a breastfeeding forum that showed an overweight mother, breastfeeding a child, while on a scooter at a grocery store, not using a cover. Posters laughing at the photo and finding it entertaining. Women who choose to nurse without covers saying if someone uses a cover then they are ashamed and might as well be breastfeeding in their car or in the corner. Why does it matter how a mother breastfeeds? Is it not enough that she is breastfeeding? Suddenly she has to do it YOUR way? 
4. We act as though every illness a child gets or doesn't get is based on what they are fed. We know the benefits of breastmilk and that it CAN prevent many illnesses and ear infections, but acting as though a mom's child would never have had that cold if she had only breastfed is as incorrect as saying the only reason a child didn't get a cold was because he is breastfed. In general, yes, the benefits of breastmilk for a child's health are great, but that does not mean a formula fed child is doomed to an infancy of ear infections, colds and more.
5. We look at breastfeeding as all or nothing. There are women who need to supplement, or who may choose to supplement. Treating them as though they are a traitor to the breastfeeding movement, making women feel like breastfeeding is an all or nothing deal, only pushes moms who could continue giving their child the benefits of breastmilk, while combo feeding, into formula feeding. While most women are capable of exclusively breastfeeding, we must acknowledge that as hormone issues are on the rise (look at the rise in infertility), so are breastfeeding supply issues. Combo feeding is hard. You have to find a delicate balance of maintaining what supply you do have, and making sure your child is getting enough nourishment to grow. Dismissing a mom as "just a combo feeder" is not going to help a mother learn what she can do to continue breastfeeding, help her supply with future children, or understand that her children are still getting the benefits of breastmilk even while be supplemented with formula.

I am sure there are many more ways that we sabotage the cause, but these are a few that have been on my mind lately. We need to remember that if we are just preaching at people, rather than communicating, listening and sharing, we will never help promote breastfeeding.

Help Give Hubby A New Name for the Blog

Well, the term hubby is so un-creative that I think maybe it is time that I give Hubby a new name. Gamer is already taken by another blogger (well, Gamer Daddy) or I would use that for him....
So- I have decided I am going to make a poll with some names and you all can vote. BUT- in order to help you- I am going to give you a little description of Hubby.
Hubby has a degree in computer animation and video game design, and is currently going to school for ANOTHER degree in Computer Science- emphasis on computer programming. He loves to play video games! LOVES TO!
He is one of those guys that is a kid at heart. He loves all things Disney, would live in Disneyland if he could. He is the favorite uncle, cousin, etc to anyone under the age of 12. He is known for wearing shirts with funny sayings on them. He was called "The Funny Guy" by our best friends' kids for the longest time.
He LOVES spicy foods. He makes some mighty hot salsa (well, ok, I make it for him) and he puts sriracha (spelling?) sauce on EVERYTHING! I have yet to find something that he thinks is TOO HOT to eat.
He loves movies and TV shows. I used to hate going to a new movie with him because the entire movie I would hear "Do you recognize that person? They were in such-and-such a movie." He even watches a lot of OLD movies....like 40s and 50s. He also LOVES WWE wrestling. I call it a "male soap opera" but he still enjoys it.
 So- there is a little info. Leave a comment if you have a creative name for Hubby or vote on the poll. If you are leaving a comment with a different name- please answer OTHER on the poll. THANKS!

The poll will not be the FINAL say in the name (so don't worry if you are leaving a comment that it won't get picked). I will be presenting a few names to Hubby, where I will let HIM pick his new blog name.

Breastfeeding and Entertainment

If you expect this post to be about breastfeeding while at movies, concerts and the like....well, I am sorry to disappoint. Nope, as a matter of fact, this post is about how Hubby has decided that maybe I am a little too pro-breastfeeding when it starts to interfere with my opinion on movies and television......
Recently, many celebrities have talked a lot about breastfeeding their babies. I am so happy that they are talking about it, sharing pictures, and truly being proactive in trying to make breastfeeding the normal, accepted form of feeding a child that it should be.
BUT, recently, I have decided that Hollywood, as always, sends mixed messages. While in interviews with magazines and such you have a star talking about the beauty of breastfeeding, at the same time, a movie or television show is making fun of it.
Here are a few examples as of late-
Television: Watching an episode (rerun) of "The Office" where another location and the one featured on the show merge into the same building, one of the "implants" is a breastfeeding mother. It shows her pumping at her desk, in front of everyone, being rude when they stare. It then shows her bringing her child in and breastfeeding. While one may think from reading that last part "That is great, it showed her breastfeeding." The tone of the show was that this woman was strange, or rude for nursing her child in public, without a cover.
Movie: While I enjoyed the movie- The Backup Plan- one part shows Jennifer Lopez's character attending a single mother's group. There a mother is breastfeeding a child who appears to be around 18-24 months of age. JLo's character asks the age of the child. The child pops off of the breast turns and says "I'm three." Again, reading this, you might think- Way to go Hollywood, supporting extended breastfeeding. However, as the "group" scene goes on, you realize they are painting the picture that the mothers in this group are all "off."
Television: Another rerun- because that is what I watch at times, while Lil Man is napping- this time, the show "Yes, Dear." I LOVE this show....however one of the earliest episodes portrays the two families running into a mom. Her son- apparently an older toddler- comes up says he is hungry. Main character Kim offers a snack. The boy's mother states no thanks, lifts her shirt and breastfeeds the son. Later, upon returning home, the couples talk about how they can no longer return to that park. They discuss how a year is about the cutoff point. The show later goes on and you discover that Kim has not yet weaned her son and is nursing him during the middle of the night. I thought "Wow, maybe this will turn around..." They then go on to have Kim confess that the only reason she is still breastfeeding is so that her breasts will be large......BOO! They then wean the son...and while the weaning scenes are quite funny (since the dad takes over the night feedings) the overall vibe is that it is not okay to nurse past infancy.
But the one that really got to me, and make Hubby realize that my thoughts on breastfeeding could make or break a movie now, was when we watched "The Grownups" starring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, and a few others. In the movie, Kevin James's character's wife is shown still breastfeeding their "48 month old" "Dude that is FOUR YEARS." one of the character's replies. Throughout the show it has a lot of negative scenes of the mother breastfeeding her son out and about, and Kevin James's character being embarrassed, etc. It has him trying to talk the son out of breastfeeding. He offers his son regular milk to which the son replies "I don't think mommy would like me having it." This one taste of milk suddenly weans the son who was still breastfeeding several times a day. The mom is then shown saying she is upset, and doesn't know what her breasts are for then. But, it showed other things that I looked at, commented on, and made Hubby roll his eyes.
The mom, supposedly was still pumping quite often....often enough to bring her pump on the vacation. When a bird is injured, the mom uses the pump to give the bird milk to nurse it back to health. I was torn on this because breastmilk is AMAZING stuff so I liked the idea that it could nurse a bird that is injured to health....however, my husband told me to "Suspend my disbelief" because I pointed out that the tube they were showing as something that milk drained into, does not even come in contact with milk on a pump, but rather is what hooks the pump to the motor to make it work.
So, the movie was over, and I found myself saying it was awful because of how it portrayed breastfeeding. WHAT? Hubby was shocked. Normally, crude jokes, language, and the such is what will turn me off from a movie. This was not too bad in those areas, so when I said it was just "OK" he was in shock.
As we returned the movie to the Redbox at WalMart, a woman asked me what I thought of the movie. I told her it was ok, not too crude, and I even found myself wanting to say "if you don't mind it having a negative look on breastfeeding" but bit my tongue.
While I am pointing out that Hollywood is quick to laugh at breastfeeding, shunning it as a normal act...I must acknowledge a few shows that have shown it positively.
Hubby and I watch "Chuck" on NBC on Monday nights, where the sister, Ellie, recently had a baby, who is being breastfed. An old addiction of mine (guilty pleasure) "7th Heaven" had Lucy, in one of the later seasons, breastfeeding her first child and talking about how much she loved it. While I do not view it, I have heard that even the MTV's "Teen Mom" and "Teen Mom 2" have some moms who breastfeed.
Unfortunately, those last few shows are not the majority. Hollywood often shapes how we view something....breastfeeding included. Until the movies fall in-line with the the stars, the ones who promote breastfeeding positively, extended breastfeeding, and breastfeeding in general will still be looked at as something that should not be done in public, or that should not last past infancy.

Becca

Breastfeeding, Natural Family Planning and Our Bodies

Now that Lil Man is weaned off during the day, and my pump died so I am not pumping during the day either, my body has began transitioning back to the fertile state. One of the great things about breastfeeding is that it, if done on demand and exclusively, helps you space your children out, giving your body time to heal.

I take this into account when I look at how long is the "appropriate" length of time to breastfeed. Really, it is related. It is also related to sleeping through the night.

Let me explain:
First off- I will start with sleeping through the night. Often times, parents want to urge their children to sleep through the night before they would naturally do it. Sleep deprivation is hard. When you have a pediatrician, family and well-meaning friends also urging that you "sleep train" it is even harder. Sleeping through the night is like a right of passage for most parents. They look at it in the way they do many other milestones. Mothers compare how early their children slept through the night, just like walking, teeth, and more.
However, babies have tiny stomachs and are not meant to sleep through the night at an early age. Pushing them to do so before they are ready is, to say the least, un-natural. I will not get into my anti-CIO views, etc. But, expecting a child to be full for 12 hours at 4-6 months of age is ignoring the rules of how their tiny digestive systems function. Yes, a few babies will be the exception to the rule, but most will need to continue nursing a few times through the night to age one and beyond.
As far as how long to nurse a child, it used to be common for a child to be nursed for several years. Often times, getting the majority of their nourishment from breastfeeding until the age of two or beyond. I do not find it a co-incidence that two years is the length of time that most doctors suggest a woman give her body to heal from previous pregnancies before attempting to conceive again.
Well, this all ties in together- I promise. Breastfeeding is like natural birth control. When a mother is exclusively breastfeeding- on demand and around the clock (child is not sleeping through the night)- and is not supplementing with solids- breastfeeding is as effective as the birth control pill!
Now, before you jump on me and say "My friend so-and-so got pregnant while EBF and not supplementing." First, remember that this includes feeding on demand around the clock. Second, I know many women who have conceived while on the pill....one of whom her first THREE pregnancies all happened while using oral birth control. So, to say it is as effective as the pill, does not mean it won't happen. The only 100% sure way to not get pregnant is abstinence after all.
As long as a mother is still feeding on demand around the clock, and the majority of the nourishment comes from breastmilk, even with solids, breastfeeding is a highly effective form of birth control.
One of the fastest ways to restore fertility, while continuing to breastfeed, is night weaning. A sudden change- even a child sleeping through the night (9-10 hours) that previously woke every 2-3 hours, for a few nights in a row, is enough to restore fertility. To me, this, plus the previous observation about the length of 2 years between pregnancies and 2 years of breastfeeding, also shows me that we are meant to continue breastfeeding our children through the night, as demanded, for much longer than 4-6 months.
Once a child is night weaned, supplemented, or what not, and fertility starts to return, there are many ways to control if you conceive or not. There is medical birth control- shot, pill, IUD- and there is the drugstore birth control- condoms- but for our family, we are using Natural Family Planning.
Natural Family Planning is where you track your fertility signs, including your BBT, and figure out your most fertile days- then you either avoid intercourse, or the opposite, depending on if you want to get pregnant, or want to avoid pregnancy.
For us, right now, we are just hoping to see if I am one of those lucky women. The ones who struggle with fertility, FINALLY get pregnant, and then, BAM- their body and hormones just *click* and they are fertile and able to conceive on their own.
As I have studied about Natural Family Planning, annoyed many of my friends with questions (if they are NFPers), and more....it has just proven to me that our bodies were created/made to not only provide the best for our children, but in doing so, take care of itself. Healing as it provides the best nourishment possible for our children.
As women I don't think we truly understand how AMAZING our bodies are! We often look in the mirror and see everything we think is wrong with them. We are quick to complain about flaws and slow to acknowledge how AWESOME our body actually is.
So, I want to extend a challenge that you take a few minutes every day and remember the amazing body you have- and to think about all the positive aspects of your body.
Being a mother, breastfeeding, and starting to use NFP has really made me realize what an amazing gift my body is.

Becca