Asking For It!

Oh dear, what am I going to do. It was fine and dandy when I had to try and read his cues, or had to try and keep a schedule of it. Now that he has learned not only how to sign for it, but how to say/ask for it- I think I am going to have to put a stop to it.

What? You are confused.

OH- because you thought I had weaned Lil Man....

See, Lil Man has learned the sign and word "Eat."

That is right....he knows how to ask for it.

BUT WAIT- that is not all....he will also walk to the kitchen and fridge. Great- he knows how/where to access food too. Then today, when we opened the fridge- he REACHED FOR THE FOOD he wanted!

So, I guess it is time to stop feeding him. After all, he is asking for it, signing it, and trying to access it himself. So I guess I better stop feeding him.

Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it? Why do people feel that as soon as a child can ask for milk, lift a shirt, or say "nurse" or whatever term they choose for breastfeeding, that it is time to wean, yet we encourage a child to ask for "ba ba" or bottle, hold their own bottle, and we expect them to learn to access food?

Our society seems to think that the breast was made simply for their sexual purpose. The truth is, they are first and foremost, a food source for our young, and the rest is an added bonus.

This week is World Breastfeeding Week (starting August 1st). My hope and prayer for this week is that women everywhere will help spread the word that breastfeeding is natural, normal and beautiful. That it is not perverted, that it is what we are meant to do. I hope that as this week goes on, we will all support breastfeeding, whether we choose to breastfeed or not. I hope that we can help encourage others to breastfeed and to help each other realize that their is no magic switch that as soon as a baby can ask for it, gets teeth, or turns one- they should stop.

I am looking forward to this week, and hope to have several posts, by myself and other guest authors, to celebrate and support breastfeeding.

Booby-Traps

A friend of mine started out breastfeeding her 3rd child. The child became fussy at around 1 month, crying not sleeping, and the mother, tired, called the pediatrician who let her know that her child was most likely colicky. What did the pediatrician suggest- formula.

This mother, tired, still learning how to breastfeed, having two other children to care for, followed the advice, only to learn too late that formula does not solve colic or reflux, or any of the other woes her child went through- in fact- it made it worse. It caused more spit up, more tummy aches, and did not help her child sleep at night.

This was a booby trap. We as a society acknowledge the importance of breastfeeding, we encourage it during pregnancy, but once the mom makes the decision to breastfeed, and is trying to work through any complications that arise, suddenly, that support has vanished. We have myths, wives tales and that friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend anecdote that says whatever breastfeeding problem ails you- formula fixes it.

When Lil Man was born, I fell "victim" to many such booby traps. From supplementing, to PCOS and low supply to more...looking back, I realized how so many suggestions, beliefs, and more were actually booby traps.

So what are some of the most common booby traps- I have listed a few. After reading- feel free to leave a comment with any other booby traps you have heard or encountered.

1. Supplementation- If baby loses more than X amount of weight, doesn't get back to birth weight by X date, etc- you need to supplement. There is a lot more to your child's health then the number on the scale. It took me a long time to realize this. Lil Man has always been small, and seeing his numbers slowly creep up was hard. He has always been in the 1-3% for his weight (and height). I took me a long time to realize that those percentiles were not test grades, my son's health was not failing, and as much as the resident pediatrician wanted to make it sound like it- the fact that he lost a little over 10% of his body weight DID NOT mean I needed to supplement. I learned the hard way. Their are a lot of things to consider when considering supplementation- and yes, in a VERY FEW cases, it is necessary, and then should be done with great caution. Supplementation is a booby trap. Why- because it is a slippery slope. Supplementing takes time away from the breast- and that hurts supply, and then eventually, if this pattern continues, will harm supply until supplementation is actually necessary, and sometimes leads to bottle preference and early weaning by a parent.
2. Breastfeeding keeps Dad and others from bonding with the baby- SERIOUSLY??? So how did others bond with babies before there was formula? Bathing the baby is not bonding? Playing with the baby is not bonding? So basically, the only way people believe you can bond with a child is by feeding them? WOW- no wonder why so many people smother others with food, our population is overweight, and we really do not understand how to eat in moderation. We feel it is the only way to bond with other humans. Let's get serious though.....there are plenty of other ways for Daddy, and others, to bond with the baby.
3. Breastfeeding Supplies Cost A Lot Of Money, You need certain "stuff" to make breastfeeding work- Breastfeeding is pretty simple, 95% of the time, all you need is mom's breast and baby. Seriously! So you are going back to work- you may want to purchase a pump, but I had a friend who found hand expression worked better then her pump. Boppy- yes they are nice, but not necessary at all. In fact, after about 2 months, I hated using the boppy while nursing my son. It was just an extra thing I had to worry about. Nursing clothes- NOPE- I, as well as many other mamas I know, just lifted my shirt up and if I was worried about my belly showing- I wore a cami under the shirt I pulled down. Ointments- NOT NEEDED! Breastmilk is better for your nipples than lanolin cream. Just hand express and rub it in.
4. Formula fed babies sleep through the night sooner- Dr Jay Gordon, in his article on night weaning, as well as many other pediatricians and health experts, have found that until 1 year in age, MOST children will need to wake at night for nourishment. I have had several friends go to formula hoping to get more sleep, only to find they get less sleep. Not only do they have to feed baby, they have to wake to make a bottle. Also, studies have shown breastfeeding moms get as much or MORE rest then formula feeding moms. Many of my friends have weaned hoping their children would sleep better- only to find that it makes no change in their sleep schedule.
5. Breast is Best- I have addressed this before, but I would like to really look at this now. Breast is not BEST it is NORMAL! You know who wants us using the term Breast is Best- FORMULA COMPANIES! You know why- Think about this....Organic is best! That also makes you think organic is for those with a higher status. But non-organic is healthy too. I am not using this analogy to start a debate on organic vs non-organic. Just think about the mind set- BEST means only the best should get it, NORMAL means EVERYONE can and should be able to have/do/access an item. Breast is NORMAL!
6. If it hurts-something is wrong- Those first few weeks may be painful. Even if your child has a perfect latch, there are no issues, etc. Of course, pain can be a sign of an issue and you should seek the help of a certified LC or medical professional to be sure everything is okay, but no that even if everything is "perfect" it can still hurt. If the pain is SEVERE- this is not normal, but some pain is.
7. Breastfeeding moms can't go out, enjoy certain foods, or drink (aka lifestyle is prohibited)- This has really bugged me lately as I found out someone I know was choosing formula simply for this reason. I personally did not leave Lil Man for more than an hour or so until he was over 8 months of age, do not drink alcohol or go out and party....but those are personal choices and parenting choices I have made. A breastfeeding mom CAN drink now and then. The rule is- if you are sober enough to drive, you can breastfeed. If you drink more- waiting for the alcohol to leave the body, or if you become engorged-pumping and dumping are some ways to keep the alcohol from reaching baby.Diet wise- yes, some babies have intolerances (mostly to high amounts of dairy), but in general, mom can eat most anything she wants. One of the wonderful things about breastmilk is how tailored it is to your baby's needs. Women around the world have different diets- but all can breastfeed and their babies get the nutrition needed to grow.
8. The Perfect Latch, Feeding schedules- I have shared before how the breastfeeding class offered by my hospital focused so much on latch and baby eating every 2 hours that I thought this was a requirement. Later, I learned that newborns can eat ALL. THE. TIME. and this is perfectly normal. The 2 hour rule is actually based more on formula fed babies then breastfed ones. WHOA- sorry to go random thoughts on you- but that is another type of booby trap- the fact that we stress how formula fed babies eat less. Maybe instead, we should focus on why they eat less and the fact that it is because formula is not easily digested by their bodies and converted into the nutrients they need. The latch thing is a common reason women stop breastfeeding. Latch should be thought of like chopsticks- you don't have to use them properly as long as how you use them works for you! If baby is on and sucking, milk is flowing and you are not in extreme pain- there is no need to worry about having a "perfect" latch. In rare occasions there will be physical reasons that latch is bad and prohibits the breastfeeding relationship- but their is usually a solution to these issues. If you are concerned about lath- please seek help from a certified LC.

I could probably go on and on with a list of booby-traps....But these are the ones I have heard most often. I have found that even the most well meaning sources will have booby traps.

Have you encountered any booby traps? If so what and how did you handle them?

Why I Want YOU To Breastfeed

I think some people get really annoyed with me. I am constantly posting links to breastfeeding articles on facebook. I ask expectant mothers over and over again what their plans are- breast or formula- and I am very outspoken about the child's right to breastfeed.

Other breastfeeding advocates probably think this is all wonderful! I do not bash formula feeding, but simply try to educate others around me. Still, I know there are plenty of moms- specifically those who never really considered breastfeeding- asking "What do you care? Why does it matter to you what/how I feed my baby?"
This is a fair enough question. After all- it is not my child. I am not one of those parents who feels that just because a child gets formula means they will not be happy, healthy, smart children. In fact, formula helped nourish my own child.

Yet, I do care if others breastfeed. I really do- and there are several reasons why. Many are scientific, information based. Others are from my personal experience.

So to answer this question I am sure many moms are wondering- here is a list of reasons why I want YOU to breastfeed. There are too many to list- but here are some of my top reasons.

• Breast is not best- it is NORMAL! Breastfeeding is the natural way to nourish your child. Our society- however, does not look at breastfeeding this way, and until more women breastfeed, this will not change. So yes, I want YOU to breastfeed so when I am blessed with another child and I breastfeed, it will not seem to be an abnormal act to others around me.
• So that your child can have the perfect nourishment. Formula is NOT poison- let me just get that point across. It is necessary for some circumstances- but no matter what that commercial, pamphlet, or sample can of formula says- it CAN NOT duplicate breastmilk. NOT EVEN CLOSE! Breastmilk is amazing stuff. IT CURES CANCER!!!! It can treat pink eye, burns,  and so much more! Can you imagine all that healing power, plus nourishment that is tailored specifically for your baby at their age/stage. No matter what the big formula companies want you to believe- they can not do as good a job of this as your body can
• I want to SAVE YOU MONEY! I love saving money. I am a crazy couponer. I bargain shop, I watch for great deals to have vacations, etc. And I LOVE saving other people money. So I want you to choose breastfeeding to save you money. Breastfeeding is FREE! You need no equipment. Sure, if you plan to return to work, at some point you may need a pump (hand expression is a FREE option) and you will need something to store milk and feed the baby....BUT not as much as if you formula feed. Formula costs can run close to $100/month or so. Even using generic brands and coupons you still spend around $60 a month on formula. Bottles wear down/out faster if they are the only source to put the food in baby's mouth. Then add on the time and cost to wash bottles. Don't forget that formula fed babies are more susceptible to colic, ear infections, and more (this does not mean your baby will have these issues if you formula feed, but there is a higher chance of it happening). You get WIC? They will pay for formula? Here is a little tidbit I have found- If you choose to formula feed- Mom does not get as much Grocery allowance during that first year. Often times the amount of formula provided by WIC is not enough to meet the baby's needs. Finally, when your child starts solids- most WIC programs provide more baby food to breastfed babies then to formula fed babies. So breastfeeding- even when on WIC is a cheaper choice.
• I want you to learn how AMAZING your body is. Through my breastfeeding experience, speaking with other breastfeeding moms, and all of my research into breastfeeding- I have learned to appreciate my body more than I ever thought possible. Women are amazing! The fact that we are able to nourish our babies for 9 months in the womb, and then continue to provide 100% of the nourishment that they need for the first year or more (before age one solids are just for fun) is truly a miracle! You will learn to love your body and appreciate how amazing it is every time you bring your little one to your breast.
• The benefits are endless- you, my friend, are less likely to get ovarian cancer if you breastfeed. Your healing time is faster after birth when you breastfeed. I LOVE you- otherwise I wouldn't care about these benefits and be urging you to consider breastfeeding! I want you to have all these miraculous benefits.
• The sense of accomplishment- I thought about putting the bonding experience- but I will be honest- not every mother LOVES breastfeeding- and those that do, certainly do not love it 100% of the time. But, even if you do not have the wonderful, warm feeling moms talk about- there is something you will have- a sense of accomplishment. I felt it when I hit that magic 8 week mark. The one where breastfeeding finally clicked for both Lil Man and I and I was so proud of myself for not quitting all those times I felt like it. The sense of pride you get when you are "awarded" your "bronze boobies" for hitting the 3 month mark. The fact that you stuck with it, even when it was hard, you were tired, and all you wanted was to just not feel like a giant cow/pacifier (see my post on why these thoughts are bad here)- you will feel so PROUD of yourself, and your little one, for making it to these milestones.

So there you have it- I care if you breastfeed. Not just because I think formula is un-natural. Not just because I am a crazy breastfeeding advocate- but because I truly care about you and your baby.

Dos and Don'ts

I am busy packing up and moving! Yes- we are moving to a bigger place with a better layout for our family. Lil Man is ready to move into his own room/bed and we found a place where our bedrooms are close enough that we don't have to trek across our entire home between rooms. It also has more space for Lil Man to run free!

So, to tide over the blog- I thought I would post a few links for you.
As Breastfeeding advocates we make a powerful impact on other moms. Powerful does not always mean positive. The way we approach breastfeeding and formula feeding, etc- just like all other parenting decisions- can either help educate and support, or it can completely disgust and discourage others from our cause.

Check out 10 THINGS BREASTFEEDING ADVOCATES SHOULD STOP SAYING here.

And then check out the 10 THINGS BREASTFEEDING ADVOCATES SHOULD SAY here.

Are there any things you would add to the lists?

One Year Later

What a difference a year makes! I hope you enjoyed the guest post by Wiski! She is an amazing woman and a true inspiration! She got through a lot of obstacles and was able to EBF while working full time for a full year. Her baby never had to have formula! That is a wonderful accomplishment.

Today is Lil Man's first birth day. He has changed so much and I am a bit teary eyed looking back on it all.

Recently, I have been able to talk, online and in person, with a lot of moms who are expecting. Many are just like me a year ago- planning on breastfeeding, but unsure of their bodies ability to accomplish this huge task of continuing to nourish their child outside of their womb.

It has really made me think. One year later, I know so much more than I did when I was in the hospital, giving birth to my son. For starters- I have learned that society is full of contradictions. Breastfeed, but have free formula samples. Nurse in public- but only with a cover. Or even, nurse in public- but if you use a cover you are ashamed.
Another thing I have noticed, is we tend to over think things. I remember taking the breastfeeding class and so much emphasis being put on proper latch. Honestly- none of the stuff about latch, and positioning, helped me after my son was born. All it made me do was over think his latch instead of focusing on the milk flowing and the bonding time. Granted- latch is important- I don't want to downplay that- but it is like chopsticks- most people don't use them correctly- but as long as you are using them in a way that works for you- that is all that matters. Holding a doll in a position to practice was completely different than holding my baby. None of that clicked. Their were good parts of the class, don't get me wrong, but I think these items were over emphasized and that is part of the reason so many moms give up on breastfeeding because of a "bad latch."
The biggest thing I have realized though, is that we as women, need to have more confidence in our bodies. We are MADE to do this- to feed our children. When we start out assuming we will have issues, it leaves us more open to falling for all the booby traps that are out there- slow weight gain, "low" supply (that is actually not low), and so much more. When we let nurses and doctors tell us that comforting a child at the breast is wrong, that nursing 24/7 is uncommon, and we buy into it- it is because we are doubting our roles as mothers and women. We are questioning our bodies.
I went into the hospital worried about supply. I had read somewhere that 1/3 of women with PCOS suffer from low supply. But that is not what I had read....later, I re-read the article. It was 1/3 of women with PCOS (in THIS study) REPORTED having low supply. That does not mean they actually had it, that it was caused by PCOS rather than other issues, or why they believed they had low supply. I later read an article that said only 8% of women with PCOS were actually diagnosed with low supply....but by that time, I had already fallen into the booby traps early on, and they did effect my supply.
I get it- we don't want to make women feel bad for combo feeding- and we shouldn't. I combo fed my son for 9 1/2 months. I felt guilt for the longest time that he was not EBF. I would never want any mom to feel guilt for that. After all, you are still providing the benefits of breastmilk and nursing to your child. However, there is a big difference between not making a mother feel guilty and helping her be set up to succeed.
When we start off telling a mother not to worry about EBF BEFORE her child is born, before she knows if she has supply issues, we are also playing into that mind-set that her body can not do this. We are telling her that it is ok and normal for her not to be able to do it....In other words, we are telling her that only the most exceptional women are able to exclusively breastfeed, and unless she is such, she needs to be prepared to give supplemental formula.
If I had the confidence before hand that my body was made to do this- I would have been ready to handle those booby traps I faced- pacifiers, "acceptable" weight gain, how often I nursed, etc. I didn't have that confidence though. I went in questioning it. I was a first time mom, worried about making sure my baby got the nourishment he needed, and knowing that my body already was not "natural" from infertility, felt that meant I would fail at this part of becoming a mother as well.
I am much wiser now. Educated by those who want me to succeed, and not just from random google searches that brought up articles on how I may fail. Fact based research has made me more confident that my next child will be EBF. I also have the confidence in my body. Even though I felt it failed this time, I see where the booby traps played a huge roll in this and understand now that I underestimated myself. You don't have to be exceptional to breastfeed....you just have to believe in yourself and your body.




Now- before anybody thinks I am saying supply issues are not real- I understand they are real. I do. However, I think women are quick to assume it is their supply, and then fall into booby traps that actually DO diminish their supply. I think often times we want everything to go so naturally that when they don't we assume that our bodies have failed us. Most of the time this is not the case. But supply issues are real. However, unless an LC or OB has helped to diagnose that your supply truly is low- it shoould not be assumed.

Saying Goodbye to my Pump...

My baby turned one yesterday. I've heard countless times mom's exclaim with sadness "boy, time sure flies!" I've been here before, I know how fast time moves...I get it...I do, or rather I’m trying to…

But really, I've never been in these exact shoes before. With Irelyn I exclusively pumped and at 11ish months of pumping pretty much around the clock I just couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't bring myself to hook myself up to that machine. I was sick of the ball and chain, it was time for me to stop and I did so with a smile.

I’m in a new unfamiliar situation and I’m not quite sure how to manage my next step. I know she likes cow’s milk…but will she LOVE it so much that she won’t need me any longer? My old fears of bottle preference bubble to the top and in the back of my head I wonder if working full time and being away during the day is going to damage our breastfeeding relationship.

And as crazy as it sounds, will I miss pumping? Sure, it’s a pain in the butt, sure I don’t enjoy it…but let’s be completely honest here, I know that a small part of me is going to miss it. I carried Ellie for 40 weeks, I’ve nurtured her exclusively with my milk and now during the day she’ll be getting something else…something not of my making. For many moms I know this isn’t a big deal, in fact most moms think it’s both commendable and crazy that I’ve pumped for a year, most moms would argue I’ve “done enough”. I carry the WOHM guilt and I doubt I will never feel as though I’ve done enough. I hold myself to too high of a standard and my perfectionist tendencies have a tendency to contribute to feelings of anxiety.

My plan with Ellie has been to stop pumping at work during the day once she turned one. In preparation of this momentous event I dropped a pumping session two weeks ago. My last pumping session at work was on Monday. By the time I got home yesterday I was feeling quite engorged. I nursed Ellie for a quick snack and still needed relief. I pulled out my trusty Medela PISA and as much as I hate the pump the relief it offered was near orgasmic. I anticipate I will pump a bit again when I get home to take the edge off.


Weaning from the pump this time is totally different. With Irelyn I stopped pumping and I stopped lactating. With Ellie I will still continue to nurse. I feel as though I’m walking a tight rope of sorts and everything is new…different…and I don’t have a stack of experience under my belt to guide my way…I’m playing it by ear, following my body and going with my gut. If anything I’ve learned from breastfeeding it’s been to follow my intuition. It hasn’t failed me yet!

Happy Mother's Day

I used to look up obscure holidays to celebrate instead of Mother's Day. Like today- May 8th- is No Socks and Have a Coke Day!
This is my first Mother's Day as an actual mom and it feels a bit strange to not be avoiding this day.......

Today I am enjoying some extra snuggles with Lil Man, going to visit my WONDERFUL mother, and just enjoying time with family.

I hope all of you get to enjoy some quality time with your loved ones.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Pacifier

(Taken from part of a private email)

"I told the LC that I felt like a human pacifier. She told me never to say that again. She said I am a mother. Mothers are made to comfort their child. For newborns- that includes comforting them at the breast. She told me that pacifiers were made to replace the mother's breast. NOT the other way around."


When my friend and I emailed and she wrote this to me- I thought how when we are breastfeeding and/or pumping mothers- we often be-little our role. We call ourselves a human pacifier. Compare ourselves to a cow. I even joked once, while pumping, that I was "Checking in at the dairy farm" to Disney Daddy.
After reading this email from my friend- I have started to see how negative an effect these comments have. Why do we replace our titles of mother, comforter, nourisher with pacifier and cow?

Before pacifiers were invented- the breast was what a newborn was given for comfort. It is part of being a mother- to comfort your child.
So next time you sit and think "I am a human pacifier" or feel like a dairy cow while pumping- please try and remember the words this LC said. You are a mother- doing what mothers were made to do.

Relax and It Will Happen-Or Will It

I guess I felt like I wasn't really a woman. Like something was broken inside me. After all, this should come easily to a woman- shouldn't it? Maybe if I didn't stress so much. Maybe if I would just relax- it would happen. At least that is what people keep telling me.

I remember being in tears. The man speaking at the pulpit asked all the mothers to stand. Then, as an after thought "Will all the want to be mothers stand as well" came out of his mouth. I think he realized how that sounded, and quickly changed his wording to "Women 18 and older- mothers in training." It was too late, the damage was done. As the teenagers in the group passed our flowers to the women who were standing, I sat there, tears streaming down my face. My poor husband was unsure how to comfort me. He put his arm around me and pulled me in close.
One of the young women handing out flowers, brings me one and said "He said mothers-in-training." I accept it, but still refuse to stand.
That was the last time I attended church on Mother's Day.
Why was this so hard for me? This is what we are supposed to do. Especially in our "culture" (religion). We get married and start a family. But it didn't come so naturally to me.
Disney Daddy and I struggled with infertility for nearly 8 years before we found out that Lil Man was on the way.  From the time we were married we never tried to avoid pregnancy. We were thinking we would just let it happen when it was time. But then the years passed, and we didn't get pregnant. After two and a half years we sought out medical help.

We were blessed to have a happy ending. However, we do not know if our struggle is over. We hope to have more children. Fertility may or may not be an issue for us in the future, we are unsure.
This year, I will attend church on Mother's Day without feeling sad, or depressed. But many other women will still have that pain in their heart.

So often, people trying to be supportive will say things like "Maybe you are meant to adopt" (as if we had not thought, pondered, and prayed about that option) or "Just relax and it will happen." For many, it is not that simple.

It is estimated that over 7.3 million women in the United States suffer some form of infertility. 1 in 8 couples. Fertility treatments are costly, both financially and emotionally.

Support and friendship are the greatest gifts you can give someone struggling with infertility.
I have always been open about my journey trying to conceive. It has blessed me with many friends, but has also opened my eyes to how ashamed many people are of this struggle. It is something they feel they can not talk about. Like breastfeeding- it is something women think should just come naturally, and if it doesn't, it can be heartbreaking.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Please, take a moment to find a way to support those women who struggle with the longing for a child on a daily basis. Understand that they need to be heard and to have someone to be there for them. There are many myths out there about infertility as well. Educate yourself, support others, and share your experience and knowledge. I know that I have had a happy ending- but I will always remain passionate about Infertility Awareness. No matter how many babies I have, I will never forget the pain of infertility.

Visit www.resolve.org/infertility101 for more information regarding infertility basics.

Learn more about National Infertility Awareness Week at www.resolve.org/takecharge

Apology

I am sorry. Sorry that the blog has been slow the last couple weeks. Lil Man became really sick, and we even ended up in the hospital for a few days.

I promise that things will pick up soon. I have even contacted a few people to come over and guest post. I just wanted to check in and let everyone know that I am sorry for the lack of activity and give an explanation.