Sunday, January 30, 2011

Owning My Story

I am a HUGE couponer. Like, pick another lane if you are behind me...LOL! Not really, I will go through several times, getting behind you, rather than make you stay behind me for my multiple transaction...but yes, one of those who goes in and saves between 60-80% on my groceries. One site I love to follow to help me find good deals is A Thrifty Mom. She is a local gal so the matchups she gets pertain to me. She does half my work for me.
Well, she went to a Blogger Conference this week! Yep, they have them. Not only did she go to was in the Opryland Hotel in Nashville. If you have never been there- it is HUGE and GORGEOUS! I won a trip to the CMT Music Awards in 2009 and while I didn't stay there, my friend and I went and visited lost in the MASSIVE COMMUNITY that is the Opryland Hotel.
Anyways, she took a class that had a keynote speaker, Brene Brown. A few of the quotes from Brene Brown stuck with Sarah over at A Thrifty Mom so much that she hared them on her site. Well, a few of them stuck with me too.
The first one:
” Those who’s opinions really matter, are the people who love you despite your struggles or success”
This quote rings true for everything in life. However, it really rings true for those of us who are moms, and those of us who breastfeed. As I announced that I was going to begin weaning Lil Man I really worried about the opinions of people I knew. However, if they are not going to support me, understand, and love me...then it doesn't matter what they think. If someone truly understands what I have gone through with supply, they will support and love me. I know so many women, many who may read this, that think supply issues are all in someone's head. To be quite honest....I myself believe that many times they are not real. However, there are those who have a real struggle with supply. Those who suffer from things like PCOS, thyroid issues, and more will often struggle with supply.

Another quote that Sarah shared from this speaker is this:

” I have the right to  create my own space, and create my community”
With everything that has happened on The Leaky Boob lately....this is something I feel that Jessica- creator of The Leaky Boob, deserves to hear.

And finally, the last two quotes go together and are the ones that meant the most to me:

” Owning your story, and loving ourselves though out that process is the bravest thing you will ever do”
” Who has earned the right to hear your story?”
I have suffered a lot of guilt, regret, and sadness through my nursing journey. This blog is more a therapeutic outlet for me then to benefit anybody else. I have never shared this with ANYBODY, not even Hubby, but in the beginning, I went through times of hating myself and my body because I was not able to exclusively breastfeed. I felt broken. Something that comes so easily, or at least amply (is that a real word?), to many moms, did not come that way to me. LCs were not much help, other than support. My OB could only do so much. Family didn't understand, as well as many friends. Something that was "Simply supply and demand" was not so simple for me. While I loved being a new mom, I hated that I could not be the mom I thought I should be. I had dreamed of a baby who never took a bottle, didn't use a pacifier, and would breastfeed and have that milk drunk look. When that didn't happen, I felt that I was somehow less of a woman....which took me back to my days struggling with infertility. Infertility was a story that I shared openly and owned...yet, my struggles with breastfeeding, I would share, but not in the same way. I kept parts of it hidden, ashamed. Even the best of friends and closest family did not understand what I was going through. Comments about smelly formula diapers, how I just needed to let Lil Man go without supplementing and not worry about his weight loss, and finally....the worst....just switch to formula since you aren't willing to exclusively breastfeed stung.
Well, I am ready to really own my story. I mean REALLY OWN IT! Not the shortened, sweet, oh, I wish this and that would have happened...but really tell it all. So, I will be doing it! Since it will most likely be long- I will probably tell it in parts...but yes, I will be telling my story.
So, who has earned the right to hear my story? Anybody who is wanting to understand the struggles that effect breastfeeding moms. Those who want to push for better breastfeeding education. Those who want to look at the big picture of how small things can harm many breastfeeding relationships. Those who need support as they struggle with their own breastfeeding relationship. Those are the people who have earned the right to hear my story.


1 comment:

Toni said...

I am so very proud of you.